Friday, August 27, 2004

WHEN FOREVER.... COMES TOO SOON

When you lose someone you love by death or in my case, Alzheimer's disease, you lose a part of yourself as well. 

You lose a part of your being that cannot be filled by another person. Like the children's song says, you're the only you there is!

Peggy has been a part of my life and a part of my being since the day she came into the world. Now, she is going away and the hole in my being gets larger with every call to her.

What do you do or say when forever comes too soon?

No one in the world can replace the "Peggy" part of me and I will have that part of her in my heart forever.

There are many people who have come and gone as I have lived my life. A few have touched my life in ways that have changed me forever. A few have made me better by knowing them.

And then, there are my Sister's and my Brother....The people who have loved me when I was un-loveable, cared about me when I was un-caring, encouraged me when I couldn't find my way. 

 My forever came too soon when Peggy didn't remember who I was any longer.

My sister's, brother and I share a soul and we are being tested as we lose a big part of our being, Peggy.

We have lost our Peggy with the big green eyes and the funny sense of humor. 

We have lost our Peggy with the wonderful laugh and her aura of fun.    I  will miss all of those things about Peggy...even the icy stare when she was angry. ( smile)

Most of all, as Alzheimer's continues to cause her to disappear..

I will miss the Peggy that made me a better person because she was apart of my life.

When I visit her on Monday, I hope to get one last glimpse of the Peggy that has made such a difference in my life.

Maybe, Alzheimer's disease will grant me that one wish. Just once more to see a trace of the Peggy that I knew.

If not, I will go on with my life... living and remembering....               

The little sister with the lop sided bangs that I cut for her.

The little sister with teeth too big for her face when she was 10 years old.

The little sister who cried when I sang, Poor Little Robin.

The little sister who sang harmony with me in the kitchen.

The little sister who was my shadow when wewere growing up.

The little sister who was a bridesmaid in my wedding. 

The little sister who was there when my first child was born.

The little sister that cried with me when our Mother died. We were not ashamed of our tears because our tears mingled as they fell from our eyes.

The little sister who made Daddy's death easier because she was there and knew the depth of my loss and again, we shared our tears.

The little sister who is dying and I can do nothing but cry.

 I am crying my tears alone because she cannot share my sense of loss this time.

I will cry tears of anger and frustration at the unfair end of Peggy's life. I will continue to cry alone until the day I meet my sister's and brother and we stand beside Peggy on the day she is buried.

Then, my tears will mingle with theirs as they fall from our eyes and I will not be alone in my sorrow and grief.

We will cry tears of joy for the times we had together....And tears of sadness because.....

Our time together ended too soon.....

Forever..... came much too soon.

I Love You Today, Peggy!

Mary Louise 

 PS...I will be out of town for a while. I may not write until I return. If there is a computer where I am going, I will keep you up to date on Peggy. If not, I will write when I return.

Thanks to all who read this journal. I know your prayers go with me as I visit Peggy.

 

 

5 comments:

barbpinion said...

God alone understands how deep your sadness goes. Bless you. *Barb*

lindainspokane said...

we will all be praying that peggy will remember u during your visit with her...even if for a short time...i know u need her to remember u...so many prayers will be said that GOD will grant this to u and her...have a safe trip and will look forward to hearing about it when u get home...

we love u today mary louise...

linda

caragricke said...

I remember all those memories about Peg.  One that made me chuckle was the big teeth.  One memory was making her sit in the back of the 57 Chevy Station Wagon with a milkshake and stopping suddenly...remember...ML.  She looked up to you didn't she.  She wanted to be just like you...I really believe that is one of the greatest compliments a person can give to another person.  I know the visit was hard for you but one that needed to be made.  I am sorry that it was so hard.  All my love to my "little" sister, Mary Louise. caragricke (Barbara)

merelyp said...

I'm really glad you know that we are here.  I feel sure you'll get that glimpse of Peggy... how could you not?  She's still forever.  
With hope and admiration,
~~mumsy

wumzels2 said...

hold onto those memories, marylouise.  they may be all you have left, but they are surely wonderful.  blessings, regina
http://journals.aol.com/wumzels2/SEDUCTIONOFLIFE