Friday, August 13, 2004




Peggy had a child like quality in her voice this morning. She laughed at everything I said, even hello, this is Mary Louise.

Some Alzheimer's patients get hostile, abusive and violent. I'm glad that Peggy has only had brief periods of this type of behavior. For the most part, she has continued to go backward in time in a gentle spirit. I imagine her brain is functioning at a two to three year old level at present.

As we get older, we forget how to be a child and laugh and have enjoyment over the small things. Things like the green of grass, the sun, a fluffy cloud, the smell and feel of rain as we open our mouth to catch a drop on our tongue, while we twirl around. The beauty of the yellow flower of a dandelion, which as an adult we consider to be a weed but as a child we gathered them and proudly gave them to our parents as a gift.  There are many other things that as an adult, I had taken for granted. Now, I am re-learning to appreciate small joy's day by day.

Peggy has taught me to see the world through the eyes of a child again. To appreciate the world around me as if I were 5 years old.

She has taught me to play and even tell knock-knock jokes.    I now stop what I am doing to dance around the kitchen.  While I was in Santa Barbara a few weeks ago, I fell on my back in front of people on the beach to make a sand angel for Peggy. That was something that the old, grown- up Mary Louise would not have done because...what would people think!!

I have learned because of Peggy's disease, not to worry as much about what people think of me and to live my life like there is no tomorrow because maybe...there isn't.

Peggy has taught me to appreciate the small joys in my life that I had put aside to be an adult.

Alzheimer's disease is a terrible, vicious disease but tucked inside of the horror of watching Peggy disappear.......

I have learned to live a fuller life. I have learned to live today with laughter and tears because I am not promised tomorrow.

Peggy continues to teach and guide me even as she continues to disappear from my life.

Thank You Peggy for the lessons that you are teaching me while you are disappearing. There is one thing that I can never learn and will not learn and that is.....

How to not.... miss you more than I can write.

( Peggy saying Goodbye)

I Love You Today, Peggy!

Mary Louise


eckha2 said...

Dear Mary Louise, I stumbled across your lovely journal this morning  by accident. I think it is quite possibly one of the most well written and heartfelt journals I have come across yet. You really should think about writing a book with your entries.Thank-You so much for sharing it.  It is sad that your sister Peggy, is going through this awful disease. You seem to be a great Sister and she is blessed to have someone to walk this terrible path with her. It touched me so... I used to work in a care center where most people with this hellish disease walked alone. God Bless you. And most of all God Bless Peggy. I have you in my favs. and will visit you again.. peace to you , Love Donna

laurak411 said...

You left a kind comment in my journal ( Porkchop ), and I am so glad I did--your entry touched my heart. How wonderful that amid this cruel disease, you can find something to be grateful for. Peggy is teaching you to see things as a child again--and children know the secret to a joyful day--much more than adults do! God Bless you Mary Louise!--Laura

jrebs39 said...

i just love this web page, like yourself, i am watching my mother...disappear with this evil disease. she is young as well, she is 67 and has been suffering for 2 years, you are na strong woman to be able to have an amazing testimoney for your sister that is so beautiful!my mother only has her children to go thru this with her since my parents divorced many years ago, although they live in different states, neither has ever remarried,my mother has sacraficed so much over the years and this should be here time to shine and live pain free (she was a nurse for 32 years) and being on her feet so long has taken its toll on her bady and her mind. may god bless your family and PEGGY  jackie young

sugerb6 said...

Sadly my uncle had the violent type. My aunt did not want him in a home she was determined to care for him herself and she did and she suffered in silience. When I would walk into their home and she had a long sleeve on in the heat of summer ( they did not have air conditioning) I knew she was hiding the bruises. At the cemetary after his funeral, I hugged her and we cried together and all she could say is "Debbie I didn't have to put him in a home, I didn't have to put him in a home". Loving devotion!