Sunday, December 21, 2008
GIFTS...... TIED WITH HEART STRINGS
What kind of gift do you give someone who doesn't remember who you are or what you meant to one another?
I struggled while thinking of a gift to give to Peggy this Christmas.
She doesn't want or need material things. She doesn't remember what a gift is any longer. She doesn't remember Christmas or me.
So, after a lot of thought, I decided to give her gifts that are .....Tied with Heart Strings!
I will give her the gift of my laughter.
I will give her the gift of my time.
I will give her the gift of my remembrances.
I will give her the gift of my care.
I will give her the gift of my love.
I will give her the gift of pictures.... from our past as Sister's.
I will give her the gift of my voice every day.
I will give her gifts that cost no money and are not material in any way because Christmas is a time for gifts from the heart.
The best Christmas gifts are always tied with Heart Strings!
I remember when my children were small and they gave me gifts tied with heartstrings!
They had pride and joy on their faces as they presented their gifts to me.
A hand drawn picture.
A figure molded from clay.
A hand sewn apron.
A toy Raccoon glued to a wooden spoon.
I especially loved the wad of masking tape that was covered in sparkles!
My heart sang when I received those gifts from my children's hands on Christmas' long ago.
So now, I must think of gifts to give my Sister, who is a small child again in many ways and needs........
ONLY GIFT'S TIED WITH HEART STRINGS!!!!!!!!!!
I love you Today, Peggy!
Posted by Mary Louise at 8:14 PM 4 comments
Tuesday, December 21, 2004
One of my favorite books is "The Velveteen Rabbit" by Margery Williams.
The Velveteen Rabbit is a book about becoming REAL!
A little boy received a stuffed rabbit for christmas.The rabbit was beautiful, his coat was spotted with brown and white. He had thread whiskers and his ears were lined with pink sateen.
The little boy fell in love with his rabbit. One day, the Rabbit asked the Skin Horse, the oldest toy in the nursery, What is REAL?
The Skin Horse replied..REAL isn't how you are made! It is a thing that happens to you. It happens when someone loves you for a long time, not just to play with but really loves you!
Then, said the skin horse, you become Real!
The rabbit didn't notice, as years went by, that his velveteen fur was getting shabby and his tail had become un sewn or that the pink of his nose had been kissed off, his whiskers had been loved off and the pink sateen of his ears had turned gray.
The boy thought his rabbit was still beautiful.
His rabbit had become REAL and when you are real...
Shabbiness doesn't matter.
A Loved one is forever real and beautiful.
Peggy has changed but she is still beautiful to me! She is my velveteen rabbit!
She is teaching me to be real in my everyday life.
It is difficult to be real while I watch Peggy disappear but her disappearance is helping me to emerge.
I Love You Today, Peggy.
Merry Christmas 2004
Posted by Mary Louise at 10:23 AM 2 comments
Monday, December 20, 2004
MISSING A PART OF MY HEART
My Mother had five children.
I was the first to move far away from Alabama and home. I'll never forget my first Thanksgiving away from home and family.
Later, Mother told me that there were 5 parts to her heart and a part of her heart was missing on that Thanksgiving.
Being young, I thought..Motherrrr, you had everyone else there!
It took age and gained wisdom to know exactly what she meant when she made that statement.
This Christmas, even though I have everyone that I love around me.........
A Part of my Heart is missing.
It is the place where Peggy used to live and bring joy, laughter and crazy, funny presents. Like the "chicken" that we would send to one another in our Sister gifts. No one knew from year to year who would get "The Ugly Chicken".
I really miss the chicken!
No one has gotten it in several years and so it must have been a gift to Peggy the last Christmas that she remembered.
The Chicken stopped with Peggy. Just like so many other things stopped when Peggy forgot how to remember.
This is how Alzheimer's disease is especially vicious. The person that is missing in my heart this Christmas is still alive.
Peggy just doesn't remember Christmas....
And she doesn't remember...Me!
I Love You Today, Peggy!
Sending you my Christmas Memories of "The Chicken"...with love!
Posted by Mary Louise at 11:37 AM 2 comments
Thursday, December 16, 2004
THE VELVET SHOES
It is always difficult to call Peggy and hear the flat sound of no remembrance.
It is especially difficult during the Christmas season because I remember so much. I remember all of our Christmas times and cannot give the gift of those memories to her.
If I could give Peggy one gift this Christmas it would be a pair of velvet shoes.
She could put the shoes on her feet and hear the crunching of the snow as she walked back to her memories.
The velvet shoes would leave a path of footprints in the snow that could would lead her back home again, back to the place where her memories are waiting for her.
Back to the memories of................
Christmas and back to the memories of love.
I Love You Today, Peggy!
Posted by Mary Louise at 7:26 AM 6 comments
Friday, December 10, 2004
THE MEMORY PLACE STORE
I have been shopping for Christmas and searching for the perfect gifts for those I love.
I walked through the stores at the mall and looked at all the wonderful gifts that I could buy. I took my time because these will be special gifts that will be opened on Christmas morning.
While shopping, I thought about a store that I wish existed in our mall.
It would be called "The Memory Place Store".
I could go in this shop and buy my gifts for Peggy for Christmas.
I could stroll down the isles of the Memory Place Store and buy all of her memories back, wrap them and give them to her this Christmas morning.
On Christmas morning, under her Christmas tree, there would be colorful boxes, decorated with bows and glitter and signed, Love, Mary Louise.
She could open the boxes one at a time and each would contain a group of the memories that she has forgotten.
One box would have all the stories of her childhood. Just by opening the box, her childhood memories would flood back into her brain as she sipped the coffee that she loved.
Next, she could open the gift box containing all of the memories of her teen years. She would carefully take them from the box and drape them around her neck and in a flash, all of those memories would be hers again on this special Christmas day.
Then, she would open the next three boxes. Those boxes would have the memories of her 20's, 30's and 40's wrapped in white tissue paper. She would open the boxes one at a time and have all of those memories drift back into her mind while sitting in the light of her shining, twinkling Christmas tree.
The next gift box would contain the memories of her husband, her marriage and of her children. What joy would shine from her face as she looked at them lying in the box and she could remember all of the times they spent together. She would throw the contents of the box into the air and let the memories rain down on her and bask in the glow of their love and remember each of them once again.
The last gift box would hold the memories of our parents, her sisters and her brother. She would smile and hold the box to her heart and remember the love that we all shared. She could take each memory out and hold it in her hands. She could throw the memories around like balls, bouncing them from the floor to the ceilings while laughing.
Her eyes would be shining and brimming with tears because she could remember her life and the love that was shared at Christmas time and the rest of the year.
On this special Christmas morning...The morning of miracles, Peggy could have a miracle for one day.
For this one special Christmas Day, Peggy would get 7 beautiful boxes containing gifts of the remembrances of her life.
She would open all of "The Memory Place Store" gifts that were carefully wrapped in beautiful paper and colorful bows.
She could unwrap her past and present and remember.
She would have one day to remember what it is like to love and be loved.
Peggy would know on Christmas day morning that even though her life is disappearing...
My love for her will never disappear! We gave one another the gift of our love for many Christmases.
Just because she cannot remember.... doesn't mean that I will forget!
Life may end but Love doesn't!
Merry Christmas, Peggy!
I Love You Today!
Posted by Mary Louise at 11:31 AM 2 comments
Tuesday, December 7, 2004
CHRISTMAS AND PEGGY
I miss Peggy so much at this time of year.
She loved everything about this season.
I was feeling sorry for myself while out shopping for gifts today.
I found a present that was meant for Peggy. I picked it up and for a flash of a second I thought, I will get this for Peggy.
Then reality covered me and I put the gift back with tears in my eyes.
I was feeling sad that Peggy will never celebrate Christmas again. I was sad because she doesn't even know what Christmas is, what gifts are or why we celebrate this season.
I was sad because she will miss the joy of this season...
Then, it dawned on me that my sadness was just for me!
Peggy doesn't remember anything about Christmas or the season so.....
How can she miss it?
Peggy doesn't remember or miss this season....But
I remember.... I can remember all of the Christmases, all of the joy, all of the gifts and all of the fun during the December's in our past.
Memories of Christmas are a great gift and they warm my thoughts and make me smile.
Peggy doesn't remember Christmas or have any memories of her past as she disappears from Alzheimer's...
So Maybe, just maybe...this is a gift from Alzheimer's disease.
Peggy can't be sad and miss Christmas when she doesn't remember it and what it was to us...............
She doesn't remember Mother and Daddy and how much they loved Christmas. She doesn't remember the 24th of December at 1805 St. Charles Court. She doesn't remember the night gowns we all wore every Christmas Eve.
Peggy doesn't remember what she is missing this Christmas season. I have to remind myself of that fact.
I have to remind myself that my sadness during this season belongs to me and not to her.
I am so thankful that she is not sad about missing Christmas again this year.
Peggy can't be sad over a season that.....
She doesn't remember.
I Love You Today, Peggy!
Merry Christmas 2004!
Posted by Mary Louise at 12:52 PM 5 comments
Monday, December 6, 2004
Tuesday, December 9, 2008
This is a picture of an Alabama Snowman. People in Northern States think that is is pitiful. But in Alabama a inch of snow is wondrous. Hours are spent scraping the little bits of snow into this beautiful snowman. This is an Alabama work of winter beauty......for my sister....Peggy!
Thursday, November 13, 2008
She walks all over the nursing home every day and seems in a hurry. I wonder where she thinks she is going? I wonder if she ever thinks that she gets there?
To say that this disease is unfair is an understatement. How could a healthy, athletic, active person like P.J. develop this disease in her late 40's?
The saving grace for our family is that Peggy seems happy and smiles a lot.
Her husband has been a rock for Peggy and our family. When, on their wedding day he uttered the words; For better and worse, he could have never imagined what would happen in his marriage.
Peggy loved him so much and somewhere in her soul, she still does...even though she has forgotten who he is...
I will never stop missing my sister. The sister that I grew up with, shared my heart and secrets with, looked up to and admired.
She is still that person but her shell makes it harder and harder to remember. She is different from the person that I knew.
I am different too.
Our journey through life makes us all different in many ways.
I remember a time in my life when I knew all the answers, I even knew all the questions. I knew how to fix things in my life and in everyone else's life.
I was outspoken and sure of myself.
My journey thus far has tempered me and softened me.
I am blessed because I can remember. Peggy is blessed because she is happy and doesn't seem to mind that she can't remember.
The holiday's bring a flood of memories of Thanksgivings and Christmases
past. The holiday's bring excitement and thinking of the future.
Peggy has neither as the holidays approach.
She is safe, happy and loved with or without her memories.
I will just have to remember for both of us.
I Love You Today, Peggy!
I miss you always!
Happy Thanksgiving 2008.
Sunday, October 12, 2008
I hope you will continue to read my thoughts and comment. It has helped me on this journey more than any of you will ever know.
People always said that Peggy and I looked so much alike that we could be twins. I must admit that I thought we looked somewhat alike but not like twins until.....
I visited a site called yearbook.com and put my face on a hairstyle that PJ always wore.
I was shocked!!!! When I saw the picture above, I thought it was Peggy but it is me with her hairstyle!
I Love You today, Peggy!
Monday, October 6, 2008
that they will be closing down their journal site.
Every one who has been writing journals on this
AOL site is very sad.
We have until October 31st to transfer all the
contents of our journals to another site or lose them.
My first entry about watching Peggy disappear was on October 30, 2003.
MY FIRST ENTRY.......
P. J. ( left) is dying from Alzheimer's Disease.
We were always very close.
It is so very hard to see her disappearing before my eyes.
I call her every morning and have since she was diagnosed 2 years ago.
She is slipping away fast and now calls me "Aunt Louise."
I struggle with losing her.
I miss her more than I can write.
Only people who have experienced this living death
can understand what I am feeling.
I am saying goodbye to her every day and
I always say before I hang up...I Love you, Today P. J
and she will say...I love you too but she can't remember my name.
I love you. I miss you today.
P J...My Sister...My Friend!
This was one of the first comments I received
and this comment helped me to keep writing and
to express my grief with words.
Did you ever hear that saying " I complained I had no shoes, until I met a man with no feet?" Sometimes my days seem so hard because I have a child with Tourettes Syndrome. Its not drastic or life threatening but it still drains my heart and soul. My heart goes out to you and your family. I have no shoes but you have no feet. I will say a prayer for your sister.
Very touching commentary. I would not have recognized Peggy. But I have not seen her in decades I suppose.
this blog is a good idea.
thanks for sharing.
I know it must be very hard dealing with Alzheimer's and losing your baby sister. I know it would crush me if I lost my sister. You have been strong and brave to write the journal and share your experience with others.
I am proud of you. I am praying for you, PJ, her family and your other sisters.
God be with you all.
These were the words from people who read that first entry and gave me the strength and courage to keep writing even though it was painful.
Writing this journal about Peggy has been life saving experience for me. Having so many people comment and send prayers has saved me in many ways.
To date....66,165 people have taken the time to write a comment or read this journal.
I will be forever grateful for the help and comfort this has provided.
I hope before the dead line of October 31st, I will have a new journal home and will give interested readers the address.
If I decide to stop writing about Watching.....I will say...
I THANK ALL OF YOU AND GOODBYE!
Goodbye from my sister....Peggy and from me.
I Love You Today, Peggy and always will remember our lives as sisters before Alzheimer's/Picks disease took you away from all who love you!
I MISS YOU TODAY, PEGGY AND I ALWAYS WILL!
Saturday, September 6, 2008
Hurricane Hanna swept up the East Coast yesterday. It brought wind and rain to thousands. People were afraid and hurried to get out of the path of the storm.
Peggy was in it's path but she couldn't get away.
First, there is only the threat of the storm that is heading for the mind.
There are warnings and red flags go up.
As the storm progresses toward the mind, family and friends brace for the worst and hope for the best.
When the storm of the mind hits, it is devastating and there is total destruction.
Destruction that cannot be reversed or fixed.... by the government, by family or friends.
Hurricane Hanna has moved along. The sky has cleared along the Carolina coast. The sun is shining, the sky returned to Carolina blue............ except in one place.
The forecast is gloomy, the dark clouds are thick. The wind continues to swirl and the destruction is permanent
Peggy's mind is damaged but she continues to live in the calm eye of the storm.
Calm is what this sister prays for her baby sister.
I pray every day that Peggy will always live in the calm while the storm rages around her.
I Love You Today, Peggy!
I miss you always!
Monday, August 11, 2008
I don't think that I will ever get over missing the Peggy that I grew up with...The Peggy that I knew.
She is doing as well as she can at this stage of the disease. She has lost some of the weight that she had gained and is walking a lot.
Her husband said that she is looking like the old Peggy but with one thing still gone forever....Her memory.
She is smiling but no one knows why.
Alzheimer's disease is a strange prison. No one is paroled or set free.
No one who loves them is ever set free because we remember who they were.....
Who They Were....
When they were not in prison. Who they were when they were not locked up against their will and not sentenced to a life of forgotten memories.
But then again......
If they do not carry the burdens of remembering the sad times, the lonely times,
the empty times and only know the moment...
The wonderful, happy and joyous times would also be forgotten.
One can't exist without the other.
I remember so many good times and so many bad times...
I am grateful because it means that I do not have Alzheimer's disease.
But it does mean that Peggy, my sister, my friend does not remember who I am.
I remember and sometimes......It hurts....
Especially when I remember Peggy and wish that she remembered me.
Life can be a strange teacher and I have learned much about myself because Peggy became another Alzheimer's disease statistic.
I Love You Today, Peggy! I miss you!
Wednesday, June 25, 2008
RUNNING THROUGH THE RAIN
A little girl had been shopping with her Mom in Target. She must have been 6 years old, this beautiful red haired, freckle faced image of innocence. It was pouring outside. The kind of rain that gushes over the top of rain gutters, so much in a hurry to hit the earth it has no time to flow down the spout. We all stood there under the awning and just inside the door of the Target.
We waited, some patiently, others irritated because nature messed up their hurried day. I am always mesmerized by rainfall. I got lost in the sound and sight of the heavens washing away the dirt and dust of the world. Memories of running, splashing so carefree as a child came pouring in as a welcome reprieve from the worries of my day.
The little voice was so sweet as it broke the hypnotic trance we were all caught in 'Mom let's run through the rain,' she said .
'What?' Mom asked.
'Lets run through the rain!' She repeated
'No, honey. We'll wait until it slows down a bit,' Mom replied.
This young child waited about another minute and repeated: 'Mom, let's run through the rain,'
'We'll get soaked if we do,' Mom said.
'No, we won't, Mom.. That's not what you said this morning,' the young girl said as she tugged at her Mom's arm.
This morning? When did I say we could run through the rain and not get wet?
'Don't you remember? When you were talking to Daddy about his cancer, you said, 'If God can get us through this, he can get us through anything!'
The entire crowd stopped dead silent. I swear you couldn't hear anything but the rain. We all stood silently. No one came or left in the next few minutes.
Mom paused and thought for a moment about what she would say. Now some would laugh it off and scold her for being silly. Some might even ignore what was said. But this was a moment of affirmation in a young child's life. A time when innocent trust can be nurtured so that it will bloom into faith.
'Honey, you are absolutely right. Let's run through the rain. If GOD let's us get wet, wellmaybe we just needed washing,' Mom said.
Then off they ran. We all stood watching, smiling and laughing as they darted past the cars and yes, through the puddles. They held their shopping bags over their heads just in case. They got soaked. But they were followed by a few who screamed and laughed like children all the way to their cars.
And yes, I did. I ran. I got wet. I needed washing.
Circumstances or people can take away your material possessions, they can take away your money, and they can take away your health. But no one can ever take away your precious memories...So, don't forget to make time and take the opportunities to make memories everyday. To everything there is a season and a time to every purpose under heaven.
I HOPE YOU STILL TAKE THE TIME TO RUN THROUGH THE RAIN.
I LOVE YOU TODAY, PEGGY.......
AND I AM STILL RUNNING IN THE RAIN!
Wednesday, June 11, 2008
Peggy is losing weight and she seems to be getting worse.
She is falling and can't remember how to get up.
I miss my sister. I miss talking with her.
She is continuing to disappear and there is nothing
that I can do to slow it down.
Nothing that I can do to stop the progression of her disappearance.
I only can pray for her comfort. I can only pray that somewhere in her being...
She remembers that I love her.
( author unknown)
WE ARE LIKE THE LIMBS OF A TREE.
WE GROW IN DIFFERENT DIRECTIONS YET.......
OUR ROOTS REMAIN AS ONE.
EACH OF OUR LIVES WILL ALWAYS BE.....
A SPECIAL PART OF THE OTHER.
I miss you, P.J!
How I wish that I could talk with you and tell you all
that has been going on in my life.
How I wish that you could tell me what has been going on in your life.
I wish we could talk like we used to and figure out things.
I miss your humor.
I miss your wit.
I miss your laughter.
I miss your counsel.
I miss you, Peggy because our roots are one and we will
always be a special part of the other.
I Love You Today, Peggy!
Thursday, May 22, 2008
My Mother was a life force. A wonderful mother and friend as
I grew into adulthood.
When she died, I was devastated but she taught all of us to go
on and live life.
I remember seeing her after she had died. I stood there and looked
at the woman who birthed me, taught and guided me. Sometimes, with
a very stern hand.
She never had to hit. All she needed to do
was give the "ugly mother look".
I looked at Mother as she lay dead and realized her life force was gone.
There was nothing there but the body of my mother.
Death had taken her spark, her light, her life force.
I thought about Peggy.
Her body is also still there and she has only.... forgotten.
Her spark, her light and her life force.
That's what having Alzheimer's disease does.
I Love You Today, Peggy!
Wednesday, April 30, 2008
The heart cath was last Tuesday and I got very good news.......
Everything is clear and I am fine. I sure was scared!!!!!
Today was my birthday. I thought about you today and the birthday calls we shared over the years.
What a birthday gift it would have been to pick up the phone and hear you singing Happy Birthday to You........Happy Birthday to You....
What a gift it would have been to hear your voice again.
Those gifts of birthdays past are gone but my memory is a gift that you do not possess any longer.
It may sound a little strange but I did hear your birthday wishes to me today.
They rushed over me like a wave on the ocean.
Memory is a beautiful, cherished gift.
You taught me that, Peggy. Thank you for the beautiful gift!
I Love You Today, Peggy!
Sunday, April 20, 2008
I am going into the hospital on Tuesday morning. How I wish that
I could talk with you.
The sound of your voice and the way you reassured me in times of
uncertainty is something that cannot be replaced.
I will have a Cardiac catheterization. It is a test to see if my heart is functioning properly
and if all my arteries are open. I am scared, Peggy.
Years ago, I could have called you and you would have come to be here with me.
I will miss having you here but I am thankful for my husband and family who
will be here.
I will miss knowing you are here. I will miss knowing that you care.
I will miss knowing that your prayers are mine but most of all..........
I miss knowing that you remember who I am.
I know that time, space, disease or anything can erase our sister-hood and the depth of care that we have always felt for one another.
Somewhere, inside of your mind is a little place that remembers...Mary Louise and how frightened she can get at times.
Somewhere inside of your mind is a small place that will be thinking of me on Tuesday morning. I just know it.................
In my heart!
I Love You Today, Peggy!
Saturday, March 29, 2008
It means that sometimes there are just no words left to
describe what it is like to watch someone you
Alzheimer's disease not only numbs the mind of
the person who is afflicted with the disease......
It numbs the minds of those who watch.
For years, I thought that a cure or break through was just months or years away.
There have been bright spots in research and I still have hope for Peggy. But that hope is starting to feel some numbness.
I don't visit the early stage of the disease as it took over her mind as often as I did before.
If I go there, I visit for a short while......I remember her frustration, her fear,
I will never forget the morning that she called, hesitated and finally asked the name of the white stuff that you put on cereal.
I thought she was joking but realized that she was serious and was to embarrassed to ask her husband.
We shared many calls like that one as she began to forget.
She finally did forget but I have all of those painful calls stored in my memory.
We talked several times a day for years and then
one day, the phone didn't ring and there were no more
calls from my sister.....ever again.
She had forgotten how to use the telephone.
Sometimes, numbness would be welcomed as I think of Peggy and her decent into this disease of the mind.
As long as I continue to remember, I will remember my athletic, active and intelligent sister.
I will remember the way she was before she began to disappear, before her mind was frozen into numbness.
Some people make the world special just by being in it.....
Peggy is one of those people who remain special... Even in numbness.
I Love You Today, Peggy!
Tuesday, March 11, 2008
Peggy is about the same. A little worse in mood swings but eating and walking.
Her husband called while he was visiting with her last week and I heard her whisper something in the phone to me. I wish I could have understood what she was saying.
But at least, I got to hear her voice. That is a rare occurrence now.
I kept telling her that I loved her today and he said she got a huge smile on her face.
Amy Li said; Having a sister is like having a best friend that you can't get rid of. You always know whatever you do, they'll still be there.
There was a time when I thought that was a true statement....Until.......................
I started Watching My Sister Disappear.
I love you today, Peggy!
Tuesday, February 19, 2008
Peggy had a birthday on February 13th.
Mother always said she was her Valentine baby. She was our whole families Valentine.
I thought of her on her day and remembered all of the past birthdays that she was privileged to have and remember.
This one was a special birthday. A milestone birthday. Her husband took her a cake and had her blow out a candle.......
But to Peggy..........
It was just another day.
Another day of living with people in a nursing facility that she doesn't know.
Another year of having someone that she doesn't remember say........
Happy birthday, Peggy!
Another day of trying to figure out what a birthday is......what a cake is...what a candle is.....and.....
Who these people are!
I Love you Today, Peggy!
Monday, February 11, 2008
Grief is an on going process. You never get finished as I have realized.
I find myself back at the door of anger.
Peggy is gone but still here. Missing but present.
I hate what this disease has done to my beautiful sister.
I hate what this disease has done to me.
Sometimes, I feel numb when I think of Peggy and other times....
I'd like to shake her and say...Wake up, stop it!
Life keeps moving forward and I find myself right back at
another of the revolving stages of grief.....Anger.
It is like living in the movie "Ground Hog Day".
I am glad you cannot know or feel how angry I am at you tonight, Peggy.
I am just tired, tonight.
Tired of knowing you are there but you are not.
I love you today anyway, Sister.
Saturday, January 12, 2008
There is a lot going on in my world, Peggy.
How I wish that I could talk with you!
I wonder what is going on in the world you live in and
if you wish you could talk with me.
I miss you tonight.
I miss being able to talk life over with you.
I am very thankful for the old times but.....
We should have had "right now" too!
I send my prayers to surround you tonight.
I feel your prayers around me as I write.
I Love You Today, Peggy!
I miss you and your wisdom.
Saturday, January 5, 2008
THE NEW YEAR OF 2008.
ANOTHER YEAR OF DEALING WITH THE DISAPPEARANCE OF PEGGY.
ANOTHER YEAR OF TRYING TO MAKE SOME SENSE OF IT.
ANOTHER YEAR OF WATCHING HER DISAPPEAR.
ALL IS NEVER LOST OR FOR NOTHING..
MY, OH MY, WHAT I HAVE LEARNED ABOUT MYSELF AS PEGGY CONTINUES HER LONG JOURNEY.
I HAVE STUBBORNLY HELD ON TO THE OLD PEGGY, NOT WANTING HER TO GO.
I HAVE PRAYED, CRIED AND REMEMBERED BUT SO FAR HER JOURNEY INTO ALZHEIMER'S DISEASE CONTINUES.
SOMETIMES, WHAT WE WANT, IS NOT WHAT IS THE BEST FOR US.
BECAUSE OF PEGGY'S JOURNEY, I AM A BETTER PERSON.
I HAVE LEARNED THAT HOLDING ON IS NOT ALWAYS THE KIND OR HEALTHY THING TO DO.
I WILL KEEP HER CLOSE WITH OPEN HANDS NOW.
PEGGY'S JOURNEY AND MINE WILL CONTINUE IN 2008.
WHAT WILL I LEARN THIS NEW YEAR BECAUSE PEGGY CONTINUES TO DISAPPEAR?
I HOPE THAT I WILL LEARN THAT I AM NOT IN CONTROL...... NEVER HAVE BEEN AND NEVER WILL BE........I WILL LEARN TO LET GO. WHEN I HANG ON, I CANNOT GROW.
I AM HERE TO LEARN, CHANGE AND GROW IN WAYS THAT I NEVER THOUGHT POSSIBLE.
I LOVE YOU TODAY, PEGGY!