Saturday, March 29, 2008

NUMBNESS

My silence has not meant that I don't still have a lot to say.  

It means that sometimes there are just no words left to

describe what it is like to watch someone you

love disappear.

Alzheimer's disease not only numbs the mind of

the person who is afflicted with the disease......

It numbs the minds of those who watch.

For years, I thought that a cure or break through was just months or years away.

There have been bright spots in research and I still have hope for Peggy. But that hope is starting to feel some numbness.

I don't visit the early stage of the disease as it took over her mind as often as I did before.

If I go there, I visit for a short while......I remember her frustration, her fear,

her questioning.

I will never forget the morning that she called, hesitated and finally asked the name of the white stuff that you put on cereal.

I thought she was joking but realized that she was serious and was to embarrassed to ask her husband.

We shared many calls like that one as she began to forget.

She finally did forget but I have all of those painful calls stored in my memory.

We talked several times a day for years and then

one day, the phone didn't ring and there were no more

calls from my sister.....ever again.

She had forgotten how to use the telephone.

 Sometimes, numbness would be welcomed as I think of Peggy and her decent into this disease of the mind.

As long as I continue to remember, I will remember my athletic, active and intelligent sister.

I will remember the way she was before she began to disappear, before her mind was frozen into numbness.

Some people make the world special just by being in it.....

Peggy is one of those people who remain special... Even in numbness.

I Love You Today, Peggy!

Mary Louise

6 comments:

pharmolo said...

For us readers, your entry is a minute or two of insight into your pain. A pain you live with every day.

wendy4145 said...

I am so sorry Mary Louise................

So sorry.

Love,
Wendy

richardson749 said...

Would just like to comment that your journal has left me in tears, the love that you have for your sister shines .Love and Prayers to you all .Helen
http://journals.aol.co.uk/richardson749/helens-world/

cmcob2 said...

my thoughts and prayers aare with you.love and compassion shown never fades from the loved ones memory.
                                                            charlie
                                                             caregiver survivor   000

loisontheweb said...

  You still have the physical Peggy ... it is painful for you; mercifully ... it is not painful for Peggy.  She is alive in your memory; she is still your sister.  You are blessed for not forsaking her.  We would each hope for such a dedicated person in our lives should we go down that same road as Peggy did.
LOIS

maozmon said...

Hi mary louise~I think back to when my late mother in law must have been in the early stages of alzheimers; she was a fastidious list maker, I think that helped her, and when she did start forgetting, her sense of humor always showed how positive she was.  One of the strange things was that she had always had some obsessive compulsive tendencies, especially about her diet, and as the disease progressed, these disappeared, and she enjoyed foods she hadnt let herself eat in years.  Her son that lived with her was devoted to her, and she only went into the hospital at the very end. How I miss her!!