I enjoyed my time away very much. It was a needed relief for my heart and my brain.
I called Peggy and talked with her while on my trip.
She seemed more scattered than usual. She has a new sitter and I think that it is a major adjustment for her.
I read something yesterday and wanted to share it. It is a quote from the movie "The Breakfast Club".
"When you grow up...Your heart dies".
That quote is looking forward from the eyes of youth. The quote changes with wisdom and age and then reads...
When you grown up, your heart grows bigger and is filled with the joy and pain of living. Your heart learns to accept and not judge. Your heart holds all the joy and tears of your life. Your heart learns that difference in people makes them special. Your heart is filled with the experiences of a lifetime and beats to it's memories but......
When you have grown up and develop Alzheimer's disease........
Your heart dies a little every day because your heart has forgotten.... why it beats. Peggy's heart sends no messages to her brain and her brain is no longer connected to her heart. Her heart only beats to keep her alive and being alive and living are very different functions.
When you grow up and develop Alzheimer's disease, your heart is just an organ in your body. It is just an organ that beats to keep you alive. Peggy's heart beats and she is alive but her brain and heart are no longer connected. Her brain and heart do not work in rhythm.
Peggy's heart no longer beats with the feelings and messages stored there. The beats of her memories have been erased and her heart now only beats to keep her body alive.
Her brain with it's memories and her heart with the steady rhythm have been disconnected. She is living but she is no longer alive.
Peggy's heart and brain are just vital organs. They are the vital organs that keep her alive. They are the vital organs that keep her breathing but..... breathing and living are two different things.
Living without remembering is like.......
Growing up and having your heart......Die.
Peggy and I were connected and I miss her warmth, her humor and her counsel.
Joan Frank said; By now we know and anticipate one another so easily, so deeply, we unthinkingly finish one another's sentences and often speak in code. No one else knows what I mean so exquisitely, painfully well; No one else knows so exactly what to say to fix me.
No one.... but my sister.
We are sisters. We will always be sisters. Our differences may never go away, but neither will our song..... Elizabeth Fishel
I Love you Today, Peggy and I miss you with every beat of my heart. A heart that remembers.
A heart that remembers you and is filled with your lopsided smiles, exasperated looks, I can't believe you just said that.. looks, be happy looks, help me looks, wide eyed looks, scared looks, breathless excitement looks and yes, angry looks.......
So many memories of Peggy are stored in my heart and I remember her as my heart continues to beat to the rhythm of my memories.
My heart and brain are connected with many memories of my sister, my forever friend.
I will remember Peggy until I grow up and my heart dies.
I Love You Today, Peggy!