Monday, February 11, 2008


Grief is an on going process. You never get finished as I have realized.

I find myself back at the door of anger.

Peggy is gone but still here. Missing but present.

I hate what this disease has done to my beautiful sister.

I hate what this disease has done to me.

Sometimes, I feel numb when I think of Peggy and other times....

I'd like to shake her and say...Wake up, stop it!

Life keeps moving forward and I find myself right back at

another of the revolving stages of grief.....Anger.

It is like living in the movie "Ground Hog Day".

I am glad you cannot know or feel how angry I am at you tonight, Peggy.

I am just tired, tonight.

Tired of knowing you are there but you are not.

I love you today anyway, Sister.        

Mary Louise


wendy4145 said...

SHe would SO be with here if she could.  I know, I know.. tell it to my head, tell it to my heart.

Anger is healthy!  You have been robbed a terrific sister!

BUT.... not forever.  You will see eachother again, and hug again and laugh again and meet again.

BEcause Mary Magdeline met Jesus after he died.

I hate what this has done to her too!  It makes it harder that she is in a place that we can't explain right now.

God be with you as you struggle with your anger, and love for Peggy.


joan3424 said...

Sweetie, you are not mad at her, you are mad at the disease...
hang in there,  that's all you can do,

cmcob2 said...

caregiver support groups helped me with the anger that you feel.when the anger starts to build within you, lift your palms to the heavens and you may find help with the challenges both you and peggy face.
                                              caregiver survivor

ajquinn354 said...

Do you have a support group you could go to to help with your feelings dear....understand the anger part, felt that when I lost my Sis and young nephew because of a drunk driving doctor.  Might be of some healing and acceptance to you to know others going through the same thing.  Arlene (AJ)

rjet33 said...

Mary Louise,

It is so unfair that either of you have to go through this, but life isn't always fair, is it?  God knows, my family and I know that after all we have been through when our beautiful DIL threw us away like garbage and took my son to court twice to get money that she sooooooooooooo didn't deserve putting us all in a horrendous financial bind to the point we barely had groceries at times.  ::sigh::  My heart goes out to you and to Peggy.  Just remember, in Heaven, she will be perfect and so will you and you will have eternity together.  That is how I hang on to dealing with the loss of my beloved brother.

God Bless,


rjet33 said...

P.S.  You have inspired me to want to finish Scottie's story in the journal I am writing about him.  Thanks!~ said...

my heart goes out to you....i too know what it is like to lose a sister...whether by death or by loss of being.....I know the anger part....I hope one day you find the peace you are so longing prayers go out to you and to your family.....

sugarsweet056 said...

I know you must be having a terrible time right now. I feel so bad for you re your dear Sister, & now I hear about your Husband. Please know I'm praying for you & your family. May God bless.
Keep faith & believe.
Sending up a prayer & lighting a candle for DH.
both private, just email for admittance

ceilisundancer said...

Well written.

I, too, wish she'd be there as herself, fully.  That all who suffer from dementia, could return to being fully themselves again.

My father had dementia, caused by his many mini-strokes.  My uncle has Alzheimer's.  I'm not familiar with Pick's, and will look into it.

I'm sorry to hear that your sister has this.  Please stay writing, and sharing.  -- Robin

pprrrr39 said...

I am so very sorry to hear about your sister, my thoughts and prayers are with you all.

Good luck with your husbands surgery
hugs Jayne

motoxmom72 said...

So sorry life is rough for you right now.  

Saying prayers for your DH as well.


magogos said...

You- and the whole family-continue to be in my thoughts. Margo