Tuesday, December 7, 2004


I miss Peggy so much at this time of year.

She loved everything about this season.

I was feeling sorry for myself while out shopping for gifts today.

I found a present that was meant for Peggy. I picked it up and for a flash of a second I thought, I will get this for Peggy.

Then reality covered me and I put the gift back with tears in my eyes.

 I was feeling sad that Peggy will never celebrate Christmas again.    I was sad because she doesn't even know what Christmas is, what gifts are or why we celebrate this season.

I was sad because she will miss the joy of this season...

Then, it dawned on me that my sadness was just for me! 

Peggy doesn't remember anything about Christmas or the season so.....

 How can she miss it?

Peggy doesn't remember or miss this season....But

I remember....  I can remember all of the Christmases, all of the joy, all of the gifts and all of the fun during the December's in our past.

Memories of  Christmas are a great gift and they warm my thoughts and make me smile.

Peggy doesn't remember Christmas or have any memories of her past as she disappears from Alzheimer's...

So Maybe,  just maybe...this is a gift from Alzheimer's disease.

 Peggy can't be sad and miss Christmas when she doesn't remember it and what it was to us...............

She doesn't remember Mother and Daddy and how much they loved Christmas. She doesn't remember the 24th of December at 1805 St. Charles Court. She doesn't remember the night gowns we all wore every Christmas Eve.

Peggy doesn't remember what she is missing this Christmas season. I have to remind myself of that fact.

I have to remind myself that my sadness during this season belongs to me and not to her.

I am so thankful that she is not sad about missing Christmas again this year.

Peggy can't be sad over a season that.....

She doesn't remember.

I Love You Today, Peggy!

Merry Christmas 2004!

Mary Louise



wendy4145 said...

I love those pictures!
Why is your Brother not in them?

I know that was tough, wanting to give Peggy something that she would really love "i say go get it for her"
I am glad Peggy can't be aware of painful things.  Maybe she will enjoy your gift though.


thebaabee said...

Mary Louise,
Peggy may be mising the joy of the season but the Joy of the Season is not missing Peggy.  She is in your heart and in the hearts of all your other family members and will always remain there.  She is always celebrating the holidays with you guys.  I agree with Wendy.  Get the gift.  {{{{{{{{{{Mary Louise & Peggy}}}}}}}}}}}}} Love LuAnne

peppypioneer said...

I haven't visited for awhile and found myself missing both you and Peggy.  I'm hoping that your memories will continue to bring you some comfort and joy during this Christmas season.  Buy Peggy's gift - for yourself, and each time you look at it think of how she would have enjoyed it.  Perhaps it is exactly the same thing that she would have picked for you if she were able.  Peace.  Paulette

my78novata said...

awwww I hope they find cure soon. My grandmother my aunt died of it so did my grandfather. My mom Im sure has it though she fights the getting tested no end. SHE says she has no symptoms we tell her yes she does she tottaly forget things and what they are used for. TOttal conversatins are gone even if done repeatedly. She has that dead look in her eyes. I have seen it enough. ITs sad I know it. Lori

rngletta said...

Your entire journal is a bittersweet life lesson for me.  I love it and I feel your sadness, your loss, and the love you have for your sister.  May God's gentle peace be over you both.....Carol