I saw a puppet show when I was a child. I didn't enjoy it even at a young age because I didn't like seeing the person standing above the small stage pulling the strings of the puppets.
The puppeteer would make the puppets dance and move, sing and jump. I couldn't take my eyes off of the man who was pulling the strings attached to the hands and feet of the puppets.
I felt sorry for the puppets because they couldn't do anything on their own...they had to have the man pulling their strings to make them come alive.
I would watch the puppets talk but my eyes would wander back to the man who was pulling their strings. I watched as his mouth said the same words that the puppets did. He was in total control of their movements and whatever they did on the small stage.
He was the one who controlled the life of the puppets. They had no life of their own unless he was pulling their strings.
I think that having Alzheimer's disease would be like having a puppeteer standing above you, pulling your life strings and being in total control of your daily life show.
This has become clear to me as I talk to Peggy each day.
On Monday and Tuesday her voice was flat and lacked any emotion. She answered my chatter with emotionless one word answers.
Yesterday, she was happy and laughing when I called her.
I wonder what happens in her brain when she has the highs and lows of Alzheimer's disease?
Then, I thought about the puppeteer, the one who is pulling the strings in the stage production of her life.
The faceless puppeteer called......Alzheimer's Disease!
Alzheimer's stands above Peggy's life stage and pulls the strings that are attached to her arms, legs and brain. Alzheimer's decides if Peggy will be happy or sad, laughing or flat.
It towers above her and pulls the strings attached to her mind. I hear a different performance ever day as we talk on the phone.
The Alzheimer's puppet show will continue in Peggy's life until she finally breaks the strings and slips into peace. A peace where a puppeteer is not in control any longer.
I think that it would be tiring to have something control and dictate emotions and feelings each day but I think this being free of Alzheimer's disease.
Maybe, to Peggy....
It is a relief to have a puppeteer in control because her mind is devoid of feelings and her thoughts are scattered.
Maybe, it is a relief for her to have someone else pull her life strings and tell her how to react during the day.
Maybe, at this stage of the disease it is a comfort to Peggy to know that there is someone else in control and she can rest.
Peggy was happy this morning and had no stress in her voice. She had no idea who I was but her voice had a calm quality and she was at peace.
After I hung up the phone, I could see in my mind's eye....
The Faceless puppeteer.......... called Alzheimer's disease.
The puppeteer who continues to pull the strings of Peggy's mind.
The puppeteer who is in total control of her daily life show.
I miss the Peggy that I grew up with and the woman who was my friend.
I miss our talks and our laughter. I miss having my forever friend.
But, I am glad that she has good care and someone to make sure that her life show plays out smoothly.
I'm not sure how I will react when the curtain goes down on Peggy's life show and the puppeteer cuts the strings and sets her free.
I do know that I am thankful that I have had the privilege to play a small part in the life show called....Peggy.
I Love You Today, Peggy!