I wonder what it would be like to live in the place called "Just Is" like Peggy does!
I wonder what it would be like to forget Christmas or to forget my life!
I admit that sometimes it would be nice to forget the pain that I have experienced. But if I forgot the pain, I would also forget the lessons learned from the pain because everything would be erased. The pain and joy that I have experienced have been great teachers and are helping me live a fuller life!
Peggy is getting worse and I am aware that one day she will not be able to talk to me. I cannot imagine not hearing Peggy's voice in my life.
I continue to try and wrap my mind around the concept of no past or future. We are all a combination of our pasts, our present and our futures. Those memories dictate how we live our lives every day.
Peggy doesn't seem to be scared or afraid at all. She has no fear of what will become of her as she slides into Alzheimer's Disease more every day. I am thankful for that and that she is living in a happy place called "Just Is."
Peggy's "Just Is" place is a place where she is content and happy.
In her Place.. She is the one who decides who visits with her during the day. There are only invited guests. There are only guests that make her happy.
I am thankful that Peggy's "Just Is" place is a safe and a happy environment as she continues her journey and slowly disappears.
Some times, I would like to knock on the door of her mind and have her invite me inside so I that I could visit and understand what she is feeling..
BUT
She Lives in a "JUST IS" place where she has Forgotten...
AND
I Live in a Place Where...
I CAN'T REMEMBER..... TO FORGET!
I Love You Today, Peggy
Mary Louise
1 comment:
My mother has had Alzsheimer's Disease for 8 years and has been in a nursing home for that long. As I look into her blue eyes, I wonder what is behind them, does she know what is going on with her? Does she come back to herself at times? Once I sat and watched her sleeping and when she woke up, she seemed to be herself. Baffled at what to say, I just sat there and cried and cried. She said, "Well, honey, what is the matter?" just as she would have done in the past.
I wish I had had the presence of mind to ask her questions as to what she is experiencing, etc. Her blue eyes are not blank, they are very expressive. She cannot find or speak the correct words anymore. She has her own language. She even makes up songs that contain these foreign words. She seems happy. She is clean, dry, and well fed. She laughs with us and cries with us. This is her life now. The saddest part would be for us to forget.
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