Wednesday, August 25, 2004

A CROWDED, EMPTY ROOM....THE IN-BETWEEN

A CROWDED, EMPTY ROOM....THE IN-BETWEEN

The most unsettling part of a move to a new place is what I call "The In-Between."

Possessions have been packed, furniture loaded and I am standing in an empty room.   I feel the most vulnerable and lonely when I am standing in this place.

I have no home where I stand and no home where I am going!                              There is emptiness around me but I can hear the walls recalling times spent in this room.

All of the Christmases, birthdays, fun times and sad times in this place. These walls hold the echoes of my past. I look around one last time, walk to the door and close it. I feel a mixture of sadness and excitement and a touch of uncertainty as I lock the door and walk away.  

Maybe, Alzheimer's has a blessing tucked in the viciousness of its empty rooms. I felt the blessing this morning, when I heard Peggy's voice. She was calm and happy. She expresses no fear as the rooms of her mind are being emptied. She doesn't appear to be troubled by “The In-Between." places like I am.

She lives in the rooms of her mind and accepts what is happening to her. She is totally in the moment and isn't bothered by the In-between places of life.

 In Peggy's case, Alzheimer's doesn't appear to have In-between places.  She has no Past to haunt or to warm her.  She has no uncertainty about the Future.

There is only Now, this hour, this moment in time. Peggy seems to have no worries or hesitation about moving to the next stage of her journey. She has nothing surrounding her but the warmth of the present.

Her rooms have no past, no future. Empty is not real...     "In-Between." does not exist.

As I stand in the empty rooms of my mind, I continue to learn from Peggy.

She has taught me that my rooms need not be filled with clutter to be filled with love.           

She has taught me that empty is not bad and doesn't need to be feared.

She has taught me that Empty can be a place filled with peace, warmth and acceptance.

She is teaching me to live in my empty rooms without fear and loneliness and              to find the love that is present... even in empty spaces. 

Most of all she reminds me...

To change the things that I can change, accept the things that I cannot change and to continue to search for the Wisdom to Know the Difference!

Thank you, Peggy! I love you today!

Mary Louise

2 comments:

bigbossesno1 said...

Mary Louise:

I work with Peggy's husband and have know beppe2 forever.  I know that she has forwarded a couple of my messages to you, but I finally had time to play today and get my own screen name.  You are a wonderful writer and your pictorials are so appropriate.  Peggy was just an outgoing, adorable lady.  I look forward to reading your article everyday.  It almost brings tears to my eyes each time I read "I Love You Today, Peggy."  May God Bless you.

Flo

wumzels2 said...

what a wonderful way of putting things.  from what i understand, alzheimers patients don't feel the pain and anguish of forgetfullness, nor the feelings of uncertainty.  it is a blessing for sure.  but i do understand they feel love, and continue to feel it throughout the condition.  so love her, as she loves you too.  blessings, regina
http://journals.aol.com/wumzels2/SEDUCTIONOFLIFE