Monday, August 23, 2004


Alzheimer's disease has decided that Peggy's memories are junk. It has stacked a life time of her memories in a corner and they are collecting dust.

She can no longer recall birth's or death's, happy times or sad times.

She just sits and waits.....

Her husband has looked into facilities for Alzheimer's patients but said he cannot put her in any of the places that he has visited. The reason....all of the people in the facilities are elderly people in their 70's, 80's and 90's. No one, as young as Peggy is there.

He will have to make that decision one day soon but for now...He will keep her at home and safe.

I will be going to see Peggy next week and I must admit that I am scared.

Scared of seeing the Peggy that I knew person.

Scared of not being remembered... in person.

Scared of watching her disappear... in person

Scared of what I will feel when I see her.

Scared because I know that I can do nothing to help her.

This will be an important journey for me. I need to say good-bye to her and can only do that face to face. 

 I need to say good-bye even if the face that I am  saying good-bye to...doesn't remember who I am.

This might be my last chance to hug her and tell her that................. I Love Her Today......In Person.

This will be my journey to look Alzheimer's disease in the person and see what it has done to my beautiful, younger sister.

Peggy may not remember me next Monday but I have a video tape running in my head of the Peggy that I have known since the day she was born.

I Love You Today, Peggy and I will see person next Monday!

I wish, with all that I am that we could have one hour... just 60 minutes to be just like we were before Alzheimer's disease entered her mind and destroyed all of her memories.... Just one hour...Just 60 minutes

To say....

A proper Good-bye.

I Love You Today, Peggy!

Mary Louise


barbpinion said...

I will be praying for you. I know seeing Peggy this way will undo you. Words fail me right now but I'm hoping you know I care about you, Peggy, and your family. God bless you. *Barb*

lindainspokane said...

mary louise...

this is my first comment on your journal but by far my first time visiting...i generally tend to just sit back in the shadows...its almost like im scared to comment in journals...anyway...i want u to know that i found your journal a couple of months ago and have went back and read every single entry...i feel so close to u and your family...i even saved a lot of your pictures and will go back and look at them occassionally and get teary all over again...every single entry u write is magical...u have/had such a bond with your sister and sisters that is amazing...i only wish my sisters and i were as close as u all are/ like many of your entries brought tears to my eyes...its too bad that peggy cant just have one more "full" day to remember her family and see how much she is loved...and to be able to read this wonderful journal u have made in honor of her...she is blessed to have such a wonderful sisters fatherinlaw has this terrible disease but its in its early reading about it through u i can see what will happen to him down the road and it is so sad...well, i just wanted to thank u for such a wonderful journal and now that i have finally gotten the courage to comment i will comment often...God Bless You today, mary louise...

ps---seeing u comment in my journal made me so happy and thats what gave me the courage to finally comment in thank u so, so much...

wumzels2 said...

i am only into the second entry on the page of last ten, and i have used a box of tissues.......all because of the wonderful love you have for this lovely sister.  i pray that in His infinate wisdom, God will grant you that 60 minutes....or maybe even more.......i have heard it happens.........that they have a very lucid period where they understand everything briefly, and maybe that will happen when you visit.  i pray you will have many quality days with your sister...........blessings, regina