Friday, February 27, 2004

THE ALZHEIMER'S BAD DREAM

It seems that every day there is something new to deal with while talking to Peggy.


Yesterday and today when the conversation ended, I would tell her that I loved her today and then say good-bye. She would say good-bye but not hang up the phone.      I said, I'll call you tomorrow, bye. She would say bye and not hang up the phone. This went on for a few times before I realized that she didn't remember that she needed to hang up the phone. Finally, I said, I Love You, Peggy. I'll call you tomorrow. You can hang up the phone now. She said, O. K. and did.


It took a while before I was able to write today. The words just stirred around in my heart and wouldn't come out. Just a simple task like hanging up the phone...Gone!  At least it has been this way for these two day's. It might all change next week.        I never know what to expect or how to prepare my heart when I call and talk to her.               


I used the words "Talk TO her" and not WITH her because she can no longer carry on a conversation. I just keep talking and she answers with one word. I am thankful that she can still  repeat what is said to her. She has Not given up and knowing Peggy...She never will!


The sitter told me this morning that Peggy had a big smile on her face when she told her that I on the phone. So, I guess it is worth all of the pain that it causes my heart to call every day.


Alzheimer's pokes at her brain every minute with the precision of a swordsman.       It uses a sharp blade to cut out a little more of Peggy's memory.                                I can almost hear the clanging of the sword's metal in her speech each day. It is an unfair duel because Peggy has no way of picking up her sword and fighting back.


I still have trouble believing that this is happening to her.


Maybe, I'll wake up one morning and find that this has all been a Very Bad Dream!         


A Horrible dream about the disease Alzheimer's and my Baby Sister, Peggy.


I Love You Today, Peggy!


Mary Louise

6 comments:

wildflower121764 said...

I wish it was only a dream. Try to focus on your blessings and what a wonderful sister you've had in your lifetime. You will be rewarded in Heaven for your work here, I am certain. :)

carolhehe said...

I wish I could stay the swordsman blade for you. My heart hurts for Peggy and you. May the peace of the Lord fill your heart.

ckays1967 said...

It must be horrible to watch....I have you in my prayers. xxoo

rha4497496 said...

Wow, ML - What wonderful people and wonderful comments that have been left. All I can say is....ditto, to everything that has been said. Hugs to you, Peggy and your other sisters too. Robyn

teefa725 said...

Your journal is such a remarkable journal. One day your sister will know how much you loved her if this is something she can't remember now. When i read your journal I realize my problems are small compared to those of others

wendy4145 said...

ML

My mind goes blank when i respond and try to offer some support to you. You are dealing with this so much better than I could. I feel i have nothing to offer. I am mindful and prayerful. And I am proud that you are taking such good care of your sister, even though it is so hard for you to make that call.

Wendy4145@aol.com