Thursday, February 12, 2004


There is some research being done in the Alzheimer's Field. A new study is trying to figure out why the memories of the brain are erased first. Maybe, there will be a cure in the future but it will be far in the future because the funds are not available to support more study.

There is more money spent on research to find libdo enhancing drugs than on research for major diseases, including Alzheimer's Disease. This makes me angry.

Peggy is still a young woman who is lost in time. She is marking time now with no past and no future. My Sister is dying but Hoo Ray... a 70 year old man can have his libdo back for a few hours! I am not against research of this kind but lets get our prioriities straight. What good will the money spent on this kind of research do if that same 70 year old man developes Alzheimer's Disease and can't remember what the little blue pill is used for!

Peggy still has so much pride. This morning, she would answer my questions completely out of context but her voice was calm and strong. I felt like she wanted me to know that she is fine. She doesn't want me to worry so she puts up a solid front. The problem is that I want to cry when she does this. The sitter said that she could not get her to eat this morning. I asked Peggy if she had eaten her eggs and she said, (voice strong and calm) sometime. I just act as though she has answered my question and go on. Why won't you eat the eggs? Do they look bad? She answered, I see.

Peggy is running out of time. She has stepped into a train that is traveling at blazing speeds and this train makes No stops. I see her face pressed against the glass as she passes every station...knowing that she can never get off and that the train will never slow down. The train has crushed the memories of her past and of her future beneath its massive wheels. It keeps accelerating down the tracks of her mind and crushes the "Now" as soon as it is thought. It will only come to a stop when  the Alzheimer's train makes the decision that her trip has ended.

In my dreams...I am powerful enough to stop the train on its tracks. I  find Peggy  and we run, hand in hand away from the train... to freedom.

 Good stories always must end with.....

And then, everyone lived happily ever after.

 I love you today, Peggy!

Mary Louise


beppeinpcola said...

When any of us see trains or hear a train whistle, we think of our Daddy...he was a Railroad Engineer. I am so sorry he is not the engineer on Peggy's rain for I know he would stop so she could get off. But, that's impossible and we watch from the station as she goes hurts so uch. But also riding the train is our love and support. We lve you, Peggy Jane - today and alays!! Your oldest sister, Betty Jean

rha4497496 said...

ML: I understand your anger and frustration regarding research. But research will always be done in those areas where the money is. It just so happens that the people with the money are the ones who want their libido back. Once Alzheimer's has set in "they" are forgotten. The sad thing is, no one thinks it can happen to them. We know better.

cynsory said...

I share your anger over the inadequacies of research into Alzheimer's,dementia and other not-so-profitable disorders. It's disheartening where priorities lie when it comes to healthcare.