Have you ever given a baby a bath in a sink? It never fails that they will put their little hands to the faucet to try and catch the water. They will work and work at the task but the water just flows through their hands.
This is what it feels like as I watch Peggy disappear from my life. Her life is like water running through my hands. I work and work at trying to hold on to her but she continues to slip through my fingers. It doesn't matter how tight I make my fists, I cannot hold on to her.
Alzheimer's disease has turned her life and memories into liquid and she is going down the drain.
I put a stopper in the drain for a while to try and keep her from going. I called her every day to remind her that I loved her and that we were sisters.
Now, the drain is open and her life is pouring through the hole in the bottom of the sink and there is nothing that I can do.....nothing but love her as she continues to slip through my fingers and disappear.
This is a vicious disease and I hate it for taking my sister away. I hate the way it has turned her life into liquid. I hate the way it has turned her memories into water. I hate the way I feel as I watch her slide away and I hate this disease.
But most of all..I hate the knowledge that I can only watch as Peggy runs through my fingers and continues to go down the drain.
I do find comfort in the warmth of her life and all of my Peggy memories as she slides through my hands.
The memories of laughter, secrets and sharing. The comfort of knowing that she was as close as a phone call.
Today, she continues to slide through my cupped hands and disappear down the dark hole in the bottom of the sink.
Today, she didn't remember me or that we were sisters.
Today, Peggy is closer to completely disappearing down the dark hole in the bottom of the sink.
The dark hole called....Alzheimer's disease.
I Love You Today, Peggy!
I miss you so much!
Mary Louise
3 comments:
Again I can only say that I admire your loving dedication to your sister. You choose beautiful metaphors and paint word picturs that clearly express your pain and sorrow at losing your sister, but also the joy you and she had in experiencing life together. Life is made up of both the happy times and the sad times and you are sharing both so eloquently. Paulette
HI MY NAME IS DEBRA AND I JUST WOULD LIKE TO TELL YOU HOW MUCH I ADMIRE YOUR LOVE AND PATENICE FOR YOUR SISTER I THINK THAT WITH SOME FAITH FROM GOD SHE CAN GET BETTER
I lost my sister too...
I'm 17 and she was 15, we were the best of friends, she was the most important person in the world to me and I was to her as well.
less than 2 months ago she was running in a cross country meet and she collapsed went into cardiac arrest never came back and was declared officially gone 4 days later.
I hope that me and Rachel will be re-united one day...because I cannot bear the thought of never talking to her again. I hope that you and your sister will be re-united one day also.
"pain is the price we pay for love."
sincerely,
Jillian
www.xanga.com/Remembering_Rachel
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