Friday, October 15, 2004


When my Mother and Daddy died, I felt such a sense of loss.   

 I was a grown woman who felt like an orphan. I was aware that no matter how much I wanted too, I could never go home again.

I could never walk through the front door of 1805 St. Charles Court and yell...I'm Home!!!   I would never see Mother sitting at the kitchen table drinking her coffee or Daddy working in the back yard. 

 I could never lie on the bed in the front bedroom and sleep soundly knowing that I was home and safe. I could never sit down to a meal at the kitchen table and hear all the familiar voices of my childhood.

This is what it feels like to watch Peggy disappear with Alzheimer's Disease.        

The part of my life that was shared with Peggy is over and I can never go home to her again.   

Just like Mother and Daddy...she is no longer there. She is no longer at home.

 The house she has lived in is being emptied.... one piece of furniture at a time.

All I can do is stand in the front yard and watch as all her belongings are loaded onto a truck.                                               All of the furniture that made Peggy who she was is being loaded in a moving van and taken to a destination that I can never visit. 

Every call that I make to her confirms that she is leaving.

As I watch the truck pull away...I can see Peggy leaning out of the truck window. She is waving and smiling. I hear her yelling to me,

Goodbye, M. L.      Be happy for me because.......

I am going Home!!

All I can do is smile at her and wave as she leaves. Tears choke my voice as I whisper...Good-bye to Peggy every day.

 I'll miss you more than You can Remember!

Happy is the person who knows what to remember of the past, what to enjoy in the present, and what to plan for the future.          A. Glason

I Love You Today, Peggy!

Mary Louise


peppypioneer said...

Wise words.  I find myself wishing that I had had a Peggy in my life to love, cherish, fight with, make-up and share lifes ups and downs.  Through you I can vicareously experience the joy and pain of sisterhood.  Thank you.  Paulette

fchgrl said...

I just happened upon your journal and needed to tell you "thank you".  My heart goes out to you during this struggle with unfairness.  We also have alzheimers in the family.   I am so impressed with your writings and how you can explain the feelings I have had, but never could put into words.  I don't think I will ever forget your description of the "trunk".  God Bless you!

jxburton said...

Like fchgrl, I just happened upon your journal. It brings back many memories. My dad has Alzheimer's when there was hardly a name for it.

I'm glad that you're writing this all down and making it more real with the photos. You put words and pictures  to this so well. I cried good tears as I read it and again as I write this. Thanks!