Thursday, October 14, 2004

LESSONS THAT I HAVE LEARNED while Watching Peggy Disappear

 

My grief over Watching Peggy Disappear has taught me many things.

It is very easy to sit in the anger of losing her and shut off my mind to the fact that there are blessing in my grief.

I now understand that If....

My grief teaches me only Anger...my blessing will be lost.

If it teaches me nothing but Bitterness... my blessing will be lost.

If it has taught me nothing but Pain...my blessing will be lost.

If my grief over losing my sister has only taught me Fear..my blessing will be lost.

If it teaches me nothing but Uncertainty...my blessings will be lost.

If grief teaches me nothing but Resentment...my blessings will be lost.

Watching Peggy Disappear has taught me to feel...Anger, bitterness, pain, fear, uncertainty and resentment but it has also taught me....

To live in the Moment.

To laugh at the things Peggy says and not cry even when she thinks that I am Jim.

To appreciate and treasure the memories of my life.

To tell the people I love that I love them every day.

Watching Peggy disappear has also taught me...

To control my fear and not let my fear of getting Alzheimer's disease control my life.

I have found new strength in my grief over losing my sister a little at a time. At least, I am given the time to let her go slowly.

I have found the strength.....

To embrace my grief and know that I can live through it.

Peggy's living death has taught me that nothing is forever. That this moment is the day and the time to live. 

I have learned that joy does not come in perfect words and sentences but in the sound of a voice.

Peggy's illness has taught me that...

Memories may be all we have of someone that we love.

I have learned how to hold on to things in my life and how to let go.

I have learned that it isn't important that she remembers me because I can remember her.

I have learned in my grief over watching Peggy disappear to...

Not take anything for granted.

To let go of my anger over small things and manage my anger over big things.

I have learned what a privilege it is to......

Get in my car and drive to the grocery store,runerrands or just walk through the mall alone.

I have learned what a privilege it is to dress myself, to bathe and go to the bathroom alone.

Peggy continues to teach me every day with her courage, her spirit and her struggle to live!

Out of The Prison of Alzheimer's Disease Peggy has reached inside my soul and touched me. She has made me a better, more caring person because of her dying. 

Her disease has made me more aware of other people and their pain. Watching her live through this disease has helped to make me a more tender and open person.

She has helped me to realize the blessing of my everyday life and how special all of my moments are.

She still teaches me through the pain of Watching Her Disappear by the sound of her voice.

I thank you Peggy for everything that you are and everything that you have taught me as you continue to struggle with this disease.

Through the process of your dying...

You have taught me how to live!

I Love You Today, Peggy and I thank you!

Mary Louise

 


4 comments:

barbpinion said...

A most precious entry. So sorry your family is losing Peggy. God bless you. *Barb*

bigbossesno1 said...

Mary Louise, there is a lesson in todays dissertation for all of us.  Thanks for providing us food for thought through your pain.  Peggy would be so proud of you today as I am sure she was during the times you shared so much.  Flo

mosie1944 said...

And because you have shared what you are learning, I'm learning too.  
http://journals.aol.com/mosie1944/MYCOUNTRYLIFE

peppypioneer said...

This is truly beautiful and beautifully written.  I feel privileged in sharing your journey with Peggy.  Paulette