Monday, October 25, 2004

I'M DANCING AS FAST AS I CAN

Peggy and I always loved to tap dance.  We would tape pennies to our shoes and tap away on the sidewalk in front of our house. Those are some of the memories of Peggy that make me smile.

But, have you ever heard the phrase, "I'm dancing as fast as I can?"

That is the way that I felt when I finished my call to Peggy this morning.

 My heart was tired from dancing when I hung up the phone. 

I had to dance around her silences, dance around her struggle for words, dance with my sparklers lit while talking and pretending that everything was normal.

If love and dancing were enough, I could love and dance Peggy well. 

If love and dancing were enough, I would dance with her forever.

Sometimes, Love is not enough! 

Sometimes, I can't dance fast enough!

Sometimes, the sparklers get wet and go out as I continue to tap away.

No matter how fast I dance, I cannot stop the cloud of Alzheimer's from gathering around Peggy's head.  

No Matter how fast I dance, I cannot stop Alzheimer's from drenching her with a cold rain.                

 I search my mind for something, anything that will make it easier for Peggy and for me to dance through this storm.

All that I can think to do is...

Grab my umbrella of memories and cover our heads to protect us while we dance.

While we continue to dance this dance of Peggy's disappearance........

 I promise you, Peggy that I will continue to dance with you even as you forget how to dance. 

There is no way to stop Alzheimer's disease so...

We will just dance together under the umbrella of my memories.      I will try to keep you dry and make sure our sparklers stay lit!

We will dance and I will remember.........

Two little girls with pennies taped to their shoes.

I LOVE YOU TODAY, PEGGY!

Mary Louise

2 comments:

lindainspokane said...

just wanted to leave u a comment to let u know i am reading every entry u write...i find myself at a loss of words though...i dont know what i can say to make u feel better...i just hope that someday peggy remembers what a wonderful sister she has/had....your entries are always so beautiful and a real inspiration...thank u for sharing your memories, tears, laughter etc with us...i love reading each and every entry....i just wish there was some way to ease your pain....thinking of u today mary louise...

linda
http://journals.aol.com/lindainspokane/LifewithLinny

wendy4145 said...

Mary Louise,

Peggy is such a beautiful perosn.  I know her situation is so huge to you.  She would be honered if she knew that you were sharing her beauty in pictures through the net.  You two seem to be such close friends as well as sisters...

i like the saying sister by chance............friends by choice.

You are so strong,
Love,
Wendy