Friday, June 4, 2004


The sitter said that Peggy was quiet today and wouldn't get out of her chair. She also said that she couldn't get her to eat or to respond in any way.  She warned me that she might not want to get up and come to the phone or talk with me.  The sitter didn't want it to hurt my feelings if Peggy wouldn't come to the phone.   The sitter said to Peggy; it's your sister, MaryLouise.                    

 I waited for  seconds that seemed like minutes thinking that she wasn't going to get up and come to the phone but then..... There was a small voice on the other end of the phone line that said...Hello, in a sad tone.

It made me smile that she got out of her chair to talk with me and sad that she sounded so down. My heart tore a little as we talked. She was so lost and this is something that her big sister cannot make better like I could when we were children. We had the usual conversation and I asked her if she  was feeling bad today. No, she said. We..or I chatted away and she was laughing when we said good-bye.

Maybe, my calls do help even if she doesn't know who I am any longer.   I wonder what is going on in her mind when she gets in these  places where she won't or can't respond.  I do know that the Alzheimer's monster is doing more destructive work in her brain every day. Alzheimer's is ending her life but it will never end our relationship.  

 Peggy is becoming a statue. The shell of her is still here but her mind is slowly being transformed into granite. Her thoughts are going through a process of crystallization. Her memories are being extracted.... one at a time.     For the time being...she can still reach out from her world as a statue and touch my life but that will slowly come to an end. I am trying to prepare myself for that day. I know in my heart that I will never be prepared for the Silence of Peggy.  

 When the process is complete...Peggy will be frozen in time. A living, breathing statue that cannot reach out of her cold, stone world.        When Peggy has completely turned to stone, I will cherish the Indian folklore story about stones. It is said that if you find a stone that has an imprint of any kind on it...... that stone has the spirit of a person safely preserved inside.  

Peggy will turn to stone one day but when she does....I will still see the imprint of who she was on her face and seeing that...   I will know that her spirit...still lives on.


 I Love You Today, Peggy!          Mary Louise  


bhsjesusfreak07 said...

*tear* I'm so sorry that you have to watch this but I do know how painful it is to watch not a sibling but I'm watching my great-grandmother go away like that despite that im only 15 I still know how it feels. :-(

dornbrau said...

I hope I never have to go through what you are going through, but I know I would for anyone in my family if and when the time came.  I believe they would do it for me also and there is comfort in knowing that.  Don't ever give up on Peggy.  Your love is a hand through the fog that reaches out for you.  You never know when she will reach back but you will want to be there when she does.  Hope is a powerful magic.

xzasporated1 said...

I visit your journal quite frequently, but I have never left a comment.  I just didn't know what to say to you.  But you stopped to visit mine today, and you left me a comment, and your visit brought a smile to my face.  So I want to thank you for that.

This disease is beyond hideous.  And unfair.  And it's unfair what is happening to your sister.  And to you.  I would give anything to have some beautifully profound words, but I don't.  No one does, I'm afraid.  

But I will tell you this.  I have called my little sister more than once after reading your journal.  And I will never, ever take our relationship for granted, because of your willingness to share your story with us.

And now...I am off to discover your other journals!  

Be well and stay strong.  ~~ Jennifer

merelyp said...

There's life in that statue.  Great work with the pics.

granite hugs,


moondawghouse said...

This is my first visit to your journal and I find your writing to be very touching and moving. It is a tragic and terrible thing for this illness to afflict someone as young as your sister and I can imagine how painful it must be for you. You and Peggy will be in my prayers from now on and I wish God's blessings on both of you.

Please visit my journal and read some of my trucker stories. They might cheer you up a little when you're down.

I'll definitely be back to visit you again!  Larry

kathyrep2004 said...

Just read Statue of Peggy. How wonderful that you like at her imprinted spirit being made on a stone. That's a heartfelt story. Keep looking for those enlightening stories.