Friday, June 11, 2004




Peggy was crying when she took the phone this morning.

The sitter said that she had tried to keep her from watching  President Reagan's funeral on television but Peggy insisted and had been crying as she watched.

When she said hello her voice was shaking. I asked her if watching the funeral on television had made her sad.   She said no.

Then, why are you crying,  I asked.

I'm not crying she replied. You're not?  I said.

No, The angels are crying.

The Angels? Who are they crying for Peggy?

Her answer was........Me!

My grip tightened on the telephone receiver as I searched for something to say to her. My mind went blank because I was so stunned.  I just told her that I loved her very much.

She said; O K. Thanks

Peggy no longer has words for her feelings so I am glad that she could cry this morning.

I am glad that she was crying because ...Tears are the words that the heart can't say and Peggy has forgotten how to use words.

How fitting on this National Day of mourning.

How fitting that the skies have opened up as I write and it is pouring rain outside. 

How fitting that the angels are crying for Peggy because I am crying too.

The angels cry Joy... for the person that was Peggy. 

I also cry for the person that was Peggy but I cry for myself, too.    I cry because I miss my sister and watching her disappear is one of the hardest things that I have ever had to do.

Alzheimer's Disease has cut her life short and is taking her away but as she flies away a little more every day.... I know that..

She was in the arms of her Guardian Angel as she cried this morning and she is safe. 

Safe.... as she finishes the  journey that is...Alzheimer's Disease.


Sarah McLachlan had a touching song that said... 

Spend all your time looking for that second chance...  

for the break that will make it OK

There's always some reason to feel not good enough and it's hard at the end of the day.

I need some distraction or a beautiful release... as memories seep from my veins.

Let me be empty and weightless and maybe...

I'll find some peace tonight...

In the arms of the angels far away from here........  In the arms of the angels.....may you find some comfort there.                           

I Love You Today, Peggy!

Mary Louise


kkasey47 said...

What a beautiful song. When I read what you wrote about the angels are crying for your sister. I felt I could cry to.

carolhehe said...

The song by Sarah Mclachlan is a very special one of me too. It was played at a very goods funeral. So everytime I hear it I morn for him all over again. A time to weep and a time for joy a time for mourning also. Thinking of you.

merelyp said...

Very beautiful.  words, pictures, wordpictures.  Love this especially:

"Tears are the words that the heart can't say"


kathyrep2004 said...

Your story is so touching. I don't know anyone w/Alzheimer's but I too watched the Reagan coverage & cried when Nancy broke into tears after the Simi Valley service & my heart went out to her. To have a love like the one she shared w/her husband seems like one in a million, or one in a billion. How many people are blessed to experience that kind of love. Peggy is fortunate to have a sister like you. Although my family does not know of the effects of Alzheimer's, my sister has become ill and is diagnosed with bipolar disorder, as I am, and also a sister in Florida who I may get to see only once a yr when she comes home to visit. I can't imagine the pain of watching someone succumb or live with Alzheimer's. I didn't know that someone could live so long and the health effect it takes up to the person's time of demise. Bless you.

elgeiselman said...

I am deeply moved.
A close friend of mine's mother passed away recently from Altzheimers.  My friend was a pastor, and in one of his sermons, he told us of how even though his mother no longer knew the names of her sons, daughters and grandbabies... at Christmas they gathered around the piano and she still played the hymns and she still knew every word.  
You are right... Peggy's soul is being carried by the angels.

s0ngbird1962 said...

Beautiful entry....  Your words touch my soul.  ~~God bless you all as you continue this journey

dornbrau said...

A friend of mine had Alzheimers.... only we didn't know it for what it was then.  In the summer when I worked at the camp he would show up in pj's.  His family would always call there first when he was missing, because it was a place he loved so much when he was healthy.  And even in the fog of his sickness he would go there, because in the back of his mind he knew that he loved it, and that he was loved there.  I would wait for him to show up.  He would never recognize me, but I would take him to the lodge kitchen and make him a peanut butter sandwich, which was also a favorite of his, and talk to him until his family showed up.
What I'm trying to say is that... they may not remember the faces, or names, but through  the mist and darkness they remember the love and the way it made them feel.  That is why your sister Peggy can cry.  It is her mind that is ill, not her heart.

rha4497496 said...

This is so sad, ML.  I am so sorry that you and Peggy must endure this torturous trip.  I pray that you both find peace.  God Bless you!

bookncoffee said...

My heart goes out to both of you as you go thru this.  God bless you for the love you have for your sister.  I know the journal helps you deal with feelings.  Hope you know you have friends on line!  Thank you for visiting my journal lately, at MYSOUTHERNHOME.  Take care!

caragricke said...

Louise, as I am reading I am crying and have been for about an hour for Peggy.  I know that God has her in His Hands.  Maybe the angels are surrounding her until He calls her home.  Your loving sister, Barbara.  (caragricke

floralilia said...

succulent wisdom