Wednesday, March 17, 2004

GOING HOME

When Mother and Daddy died, I felt such a sense of loss.   Even though I was a grown woman, I felt like I was an orphan.  I became aware that no matter how much I wanted too..I could never go home again. I could never walk through the front door of 1805 St. Charles Court and yell...I'm Home!!!   I would never see Mother sitting at the kitchen table drinking her coffee or Daddy working in the back yard. 

 I could never lie on the bed in the front bedroom and sleep soundly knowing that I was home and safe. I could never sit down to a meal at the kitchen table and hear all the familiar voices of my childhood.

This is what it feels like to watch Peggy disappear with Alzheimer's Disease.         The part of my life that was shared with Peggy is over and I can never go Home to her again.    Just like Mother and Daddy...she is no longer there. She is no longer Home.

 The house she has lived in is being emptied.... One piece of furniture at a time.

All I can do is stand in the front yard and watch as all her belongings are loaded onto a truck. All of the furniture that made Peggy who she was is being loaded in a moving van and being taken to a destination that I can never visit. 

Every call that I make to her confirms that she is leaving.

As I watch the truck pull away...I can see Peggy leaning out of the window, waving and smiling. I hear her saying,

Goodbye, M. L. Be happy for me because.......

I am going Home!!

All I can do is smile at her and wave as she leaves. Tears choke my voice as I wisper...Goodbye Peggy. I'll miss you more than You can Remember!

Happy is the person who knows what to remember of the past, what to enjoy in the present, and what to plan for the future.                A. Glason

I Love You Today, Peggy!

Mary Louise

7 comments:

s0ngbird1962 said...

What a beautiful picture....

debijanssen said...

MY PARENTS DIED WHEN I WAS IN MY 30'S BOTH OF LUNG CANCER..IT WAS HORRIBLE AND I TOO FEEL LIKE A ORPHAN. I HAVE A BROTHER THAT IS TOO BUSY FOR A RELATIONSHIP, SO IT'S HARD. I'VE WORKED WITH ALHZHEIMER PATIENTS AND THEY SEEM HAPPY...EVEN THO THEIR MEMORY IS GONE...THEY LEAD SIMPLE LIVES, BUT I DON'T THINK THEY ARE IN PAIN...I PRAY THAT FOR YOUR PEGGY....WRITE ME AND TELL ME ABOUT YOUR PEGGY HOW OLD SHE WAS AND A LITTLE ABOUT HER LIFE. WHERE DID SHE WORK? AND WAS SHE EVER MARRIED?

wildflower121764 said...

I lost touch with your journal when I started mine over. I thought I had remembered to put all of them on. I'm running out of room. I wish they allowed more space on here. Anyway, I'll be back now that I've found you again. Bless you. ~V

kemh632 said...

My Grandma had Alzheimer's Disease. I was too little to uderstand. I wish I could tell her that I thought she was srtange. That It wasn't her fault that I olny knew one hungarien Word. That was Grandma. But she spoke it to me. I have know ieda what she was saying.

sepintx said...

Amazing collection of family photos. I don't often think of my own photos as memories, but they are. Sorry about your sister. Thanks for sharing your loss so openly. I am very touched.

rha4497496 said...

ML: This is a fantastic entry! What insight! It could have easily been me talking about my Mom and Dad. I am very sad too and my heart weeps for you too. Robyn

caragrike said...

ML, I also felt like an orphan too. My memories are being at complete rest at home listening to the stereo (Statler Bros) while Mother and Daddy took care of Beth for a couple of hours. Your descriptions are perfect! Thanks for writing this journal and sharing with me your thoughts. With much love, caragrike (Barbara)