Monday, August 1, 2005


I am writing with a heavy heart today.

Peggy is in a nursing facility and is being accessed as I write in this journal.

It seemed strange today not calling her and hearing her voice.

I pray that all goes smoothly and she will like the facility.

Please pray for her husband and children. This was a difficult decision for her husband but I believe it was the right one for Peggy.

I have talked to two of my sister's and my husband this morning and we are all feeling sad as we watch her enter this last stage of the disease.

On the flip side of our sadness...we know that this was the best move for Peggy and done at the right time.

Our prayer is that Peggy's husband can walk out of the nursing home without hearing Peggy call for him or hear her crying.

If that happens...It will be a very long walk for him.

Keep Peggy and Rick in your prayers.

I will continue to write my feelings about watching my sister...disappear.

It is the only thing that I can do with the sadness and frustration that I continue to feel.  I have watched what this disease has done to my sister, her family and their friends.

I have watched what it has done to my family and my friends.

 Alzheimer's disease does a vicious, heartless thing to the families of it's victims...

It placed our family in front row seats and commanded us to watch as Peggy continues to disappear before our eyes. Alzheimer's disease makes sure that we watch as it drags the disappearance out over a period of many years.

Peggy is always on my mind but today...She is where she needs to be at this point of her disease. I know that in my heart.

 She will have 24 hour care from this point on and that will be good for her as she continues her journey of disappearance from this world.

My task today is to keep the...I, I, I and the Me, Me, Me out of this day. I do know that a lot of my sadness is that I will not be able to hear her voice on a daily basis.

That is where I will need to work on my feelings because this day is not about me or my sadness....

This day is about Peggy and what is best for her.

I Love You Today, Peggy!

Mary Louise


mosie1944 said...

True wisdom here.  Thank you for writing.

It would be easier to deal with, perhaps, had it not happened to Peggy at such a relatively young age.  That's the really unfair part.  But then, since when has life been fair?

sanforized6 said...

What a tough decision, BUT, I think the right one.As always, my deepest sympathy. Probably have missed several of your entries, nothing personal, just  making sure I enjoy my life and health while I have it. Rich

inafrnz247 said...

Alzheimer's is truly that, a vicious, heartless disease.  My grandfather has endured the anger from my's the hardest thing ever.  He cries everyday.  His only confort is knowing that once he leaves, in five minutes it's as if he were never there.  That can be good...or it can seem very lonely.  I have to say though, that the nursing home where she is at, keeps her busy!  They go on bus trips and sing and play games.  So, hopefully your sister will have this also, and her world will be different, but she will hopefully adapt quickly and have some enjoyment in her life.  Don't forget to look for the twinkle in her eye when she sees you coming!!  (Hopefully you are somewhat close by!)  Hugs, Michelle

wendy4145 said...

Today IS a hard day.  I have prayed that this is a good move for her family as well as Peggy and that they can visit her often.  And that they make her very comfortable in the facility and that her baby Mary Ellen gets there very soon "if she  isn't arleady there with her.  That is the best idea giving Mary Ellen to her!

 I hope she likes the nurses and I'm sure they will love her.  They know how young she is.    I do hate this vicious disease and what it does the the victim and their loved ones.  I offer prayers also to you Mary Louise.  May God be the strength and the comfort of all of you.  And you can still feel good about what a wonderful sister you have been to Peggy.  You can visit her there. You can still feel good about Mary Ellen, hugging Peggy when they are  really Mary Louise's hugs.


magogos said...

I have no words to say, except I will keep all of you in my thoughts and prayers. Margo

thebaabee said...

I am feeling your saddness today.  But, please know that  you should still be able to speak to Peggy as much as you want.  I used to work in a nursing home and the nurses were great about taking phone calls and getting one of the residents to speak to their far away family members.

I am praying that this transition will be easy for Peggy.  It is the best thing for her.  I used to tell families that were discouraged and sad when they had to put their loved ones in the nursing home I worked at........ I would tell them exactly what you wrote.  She will have 24 hour care.  Her husband can now use his time visiting.  Instead of worrying.  I know it is still a hard decision to do this.  But this is the best thing for Peggy.

The, I I I and Me Me Me is so hard for us.  You are in my prayers my friend.

Bunches of hugs........ and Love,

mawmellow said...

These pictures show the fun Peggy had in live.  You could tell she loved each moment to the fullest.  There's no good reason, she was robbed of it.  Hard not to be bitter.  
I will hold you and your family and Peggy's caregivers in my prayers.  
   God Bless You

stupidsheetguy said...

My prayers are with you that Peggy's transition goes more smoothly. Take care.