Saturday, August 13, 2005

SILENCE

I always knew that the day would come when I wouldn't be able to talk with Peggy any longer.

To everything...there is a season.

I watched her disappear over the years until the only part of the Peggy that I still knew was the sound of her voice on the phone.

Now, the sound of her voice daily is gone and it has left a huge empty space.

 I was not prepared for....

The silence in my heart where Peggy used to live.

I had prepared myself for her eventually going into a nursing home.

I had prepared myself for her eventual death.

I thought that I had prepared for everything concerning Peggy but I did not prepare for one major thing and that is......

The Silence of her voice.

I Love You Today, Peggy!

Mary Louise

8 comments:

wendy4145 said...

Yes.   no matter how well we prepare for some things.... we find that we THOUGHT we had prepared ourself so well... but some things we really can't prepare for.

This is one of them.  You knew what the future would hold... so it's not a shock... but that doesn't hurt any less than when it IS a shock.

Can Peggy have her own phone there?  She would probably enjoy that.  I know you would.
Peggy's husbands so how it made Peggy smile to get to hear YOUR voice.

I agree... This silence is too soon.  I hope you can find ways to hear her voice as much as you want to.
always.
=)
Love,
Wendy

magogos said...

I wish it were possible to anticipate the issues that will be most painful, and also that the Silence wasn't so loud for you right now. Margo

lowis6535 said...

    Aren't you glad that you had the courage to create wonderful memories of your sister for you to treasure, and that you can now leaf thru as a photo album ....

psychfun said...

Is Peggy talking at all? Perhaps her husband can make some audio tapes of just her talking about anything or video that way you will have that for later? Just a thought. Remember...voices can be silenced but not the love in one's heart! And I agree with the comment that her smile is what speaks! We speak in all kinds of ways...not just words! A touch, a look, ETC!

http://journals.aol.com/psychfun/MeThinksTooMuch/

Psychfun

aangelisqt said...

wow this entry was really moving, and i never say that about anything. ur journal actually has a purpose-- prob one of the few ive ever read in which i felt like i didnt waste time reading.
beth

sanforized6 said...

Once again you've brought me to tears, and I thank you, profusely!! Reading and feeling your sorrow and pain, makes me appreciate every day just a little more. I cry with you. rich

mlrhjeh said...

I hurt the weekend when Rick called you to talk to Peggy.  You had your back to me and I heard you say repeatedly, "I love you, Peggy."  It was clear to me that you were not able to communicate with her and she was not understanding your words.  It was painful I know.  It certainly was for me just hearing your struggle to say something that she could understand.  I am so sorry that the phone calls aren't any longer useful to you and her.  Goodbye is such a hard word to say!  I am just glad that we can communicate with each other - I'm glad we can say I love you and still be heard.  JEH

courtenaymphelan said...

I have an AnniVoicery present for you...it is my voice in a dedication to Jimmy, Stupidsheetguy, as he departs for the hospital...Never fear! When journals are down,
there are other things to do here!!! Can you join the AnniVoicery? For the 2nd Aol J-Land celebration, August 29, 2005
Go to keyword AOL BY PHONE....fill in the information...it is a 30 day free trial...Be sure to cancel before the 30th day so you will not be billed...Then dial 1 800 AOL 1234! How easy is that??? I did it! Hey ! Why don't you do a voice entry today while the New entry Alerts are messed up? I know Jimmy would love to hear your voice when he gets out of the hospital.
Do you want to hear my poem to Jim? Go here:
http://journals.aol.com/courtenaymphelan/DISCERNMENT/