THE TIME HAS COME

Peggy saw her Doctor last week. I received the news, last evening that she has reached the stage of Alzheimer's disease where she will need nursing home care.

I knew it was coming and I knew she was worse but it was easy to pretend.

I thought that I had cried every tear in my body over losing Peggy. Surprise...There was a under ground spring that rose to the surface last evening when I heard the news.

The day has arrived when Peggy's husband will have to make the decision of his life. The decision to put Peggy into a nursing facility.

He is struggling with what to do and when to do it.

He has been a rock for Peggy. He is still a young man and this is a decision that he never thought that he would have to make.

I tried to put myself in his place and thought about what it would be like if I were making this decision about my husband. The pain was very real as I went through the thought process of thinking about losing my husband. Making the decision to take him out of our home and put him into a Nursing facility

I cried, thinking of the empty place that putting him in a nursing home would bring to my life.

I also felt a sense of relief that the constant, 24 hour would be in the hands of others. But there was also a feeling of intense loneliness that crept into my heart.

I felt so many emotions that I was relieved when I could pull back from the pain and know that I did not have to make this decision about my husband, my life.

I support my brother-in-law in this decision and when he thinks that it is the right time. I know that Peggy would also support this decision.

Please keep him in your prayers as he makes the decision of a lifetime. The decision that he can no longer care for Peggy the way that she needs to be taken care of. That he can no longer keep her with him...at home.

The decision to...let go.

I knew the day was getting close when Peggy wouldn't talk or listen to me when I called her. She would just lay the phone down.

My voice was no longer helping her because she is living in a world of strangers.

My voice was not reaching her on any level because she had forgotten my voice and that we are sisters.

My heart is breaking as I write this morning because it has finally reached my heart that Peggy has begun her final disappearance from my life

 I knew this daywas coming but now that it is arriving...I feel blind sided.

It was easy to pretend, to think that my calls were helping her to stay, to stay a little longer.

Some of my grief is the realization that I am not as powerful as I thought that I was in Peggy's life.

I wanted to save her, to be the one who was able to get through to her.

This morning, in my grief.......I have come face to face with me.

A me that is not powerful at all but just a sister who can do nothing but...

Watch My Sister...Disappear for good.

I Love You, Peggy and will continue to write about you and what this grief feels like as you continue to disappear.

I hope that you know on some level, that you have helped a lot of people because of your story.

My Sister, My forever Friend...I Love You Today and Always!

It is true that you are disappearing from this world but never from the hearts who have known and loved you along the short way called.....Your life.

I received this message in a e-mail this morning and have adapted it to fit Peggy......

When Peggy came into this world she was crying......and everyone else around her was smiling.

As she continues to disappear from this world...She is smiling and everyone else around her is crying!

I Love You Today, Peggy!

Mary Louise