Tuesday, February 22, 2005

THE SNOWBALL EFFECT

My grief over watching Peggy disappear is huge but I am also aware that it is made bigger because of unresolved grief from my past.

Grief that I stuffed down and refused to deal with at the time.

Grief that I didn't want to think about, much less go there to sort out.

I think that grief has a way of building up if it is not dealt with at the time it occurs.

If the grief of a life time is still roaming around somewhere inside of us, unresolved, it re-emerges when faced with a present grief.

I am very aware that I am not only watching Peggy disappear but re visiting the grief's of my lifetime.

Unresolved grief is like a tiny snowball  that starts rolling down a hill and increasing in size as it rolls.

When the giant snowball of grief from the past meets a stationary time of grieving in the present, it explodes all over the present grief and becomes a part of it.

 Then, it is difficult to separate the grief from the past and the grief of today.

It all mixes forming a solid ice ball that will take time to thaw.

 The thaw will come to my heart and then my grief will become a flowing river. A river that is always present but never damned up to form a lake that could freeze in winter.

We all experience grief during our lives, if we didn't.... how could we understand what joy is like!!!  

I have heard it said that there can never be two mountains without a valley. If there were no valley's...how could we ever climb to the mountain top!

I have had the joy of a sister that I love and the grief of watching her disappear but..........

 I am a stronger person because of making this difficult journey through the ice and snow of Alzheimer's disease.

I Love You Today, Peggy!

Mary Louise

2 comments:

wendy4145 said...

Where in the world do you get all of those pictures on the subject of your journals!
I am so impressed with that.

yes. i think everyone hold on to some sort of grief for longer than they need to.

I did for 16 years.  I avoided dealing with, as an 18, something that i ended up dealing with as a 34 year old adult

it seems things do catch up with us at some time or another.  I'm sure you have been a great sister to Peggy all of your life "none of us are perfect"  I know you and Peggy are lucky to be sisters.

=)
love
wendy

sanforized6 said...

I know I repeat myself, BUT, you're great! rich