I called Peggy today and must admit that I was relieved when the voice mail message came on.
I left her a message and told her that I loved her today.
I'm not sure how much longer she will be able to take my calls. She is slipping away a little more each day.
It is stressful to try and find the right words to say to her. She cannot carry on any type of conservation any longer. I now worry that I am causing her more stress by trying to make her talk to me.
Talking to Peggy now is like trying to catch water in my hands. The harder I try to hold on to her, the faster she is slipping through my hands.
Notice I said, talking TO Peggy as apposed to talking With Peggy.
I feel as though I am talking to a brick wall now and the echoes of my own voice are bouncing back to me.
I must make a decision soon about my calls to her. Is it causing more stress than it is helping her?
I am in a low place today and not sure which way to go or what to try next.
I know that I cannot bring her back and maybe, it is time to let her go.
I don't think that she would miss me or my calls at all. In fact, I know that she wouldn't.
Why should she....Because.........
How do you carry on a conservation with a stranger?
How do you carry on any type of conservation with someone who doesn't have the slightest idea of who you are?
There is a point where words are not enough and I wonder if I have reached that point with Peggy.
I really thought that if anyone could make a difference in her life that it would be me. I was mistaken because my sister doesn't remember who I am or why I call her every day.
Just feeling sorry for myself today.....sorry that I can only Watch as....
I Love You Today, Peggy