Sunday, November 14, 2004

THINKING IN PICTURES

This will be my last entry until next week. I am going on a trip and will write when I return.

THINKING IN PICTURES.

When I think of Peggy now, I do not see her the way that she looks now. I see Peggy the way that she was. She always had a huge smile, green eyes shining with compassion and a laugh that would fill up a room.

It is interesting how our minds work. When the word cat is spoken, we do not think of the letters...C A T...we see a picture of a cat in our mind.

Now, when I think of the word, Alzheimer's disease...I see Peggy in my mind and not the spelled word, Alzheimer's.

When I think of Peggy, a video of memories run through my thoughts like a movie.

I see her well and happy, laughing and excited about life. I don't see the person who has changed because Alzheimer's has taken over her body.

Our mind protects us from things that are too hurtful and fearful to see over and over again when we think. So, I go to the positive pictures that I have stored in my memory bank.

That is where I go when I remember all that we have shared.

One year we went shopping for Christmas. We came home, arms loaded with bags of gifts.

That was the year that we gave each other the same sister coffee cup. She would always ask me if I was drinking coffee from our cup if she called in the morning. It became a big joke between us because we chose the same cup out of all the cups in all of the stores we visited that day.

I still will not drink coffee out of any cup but that one every morning.

I always smile when I read the words printed on the cup before I take that first sip of coffee.

The words on the cup say....

My Sister...My Friend:

Life made you my sister but you're more than that.

You're my forever friend because of the beauty inside of you.

No one will ever understand me and stand by me quite the way that you do.

How much more I appreciate you now than when we were kids!

I am trying to live the words on the cup that she chose for me that Christmas.

When the coffee is half way down in my cup...I think...Is my cup half empty or half full this morning?

I am trying to understand her and stand by her while she continues to disappear from my life.

I will always cherish my coffee cup and I think of Peggy every morning when I drink my coffee.

I just wish that she remembered all the jokes and fun we had that Christmas over those silly, wonderful coffee cups.

I Love You Today, Peggy!

Mary Louise

4 comments:

lindainspokane said...

what a wonderful memory..i hope u never break the cup...hope u have a nice time on your trip...and try to enjoy yourself...and take lots of pics to share with us...

linda
http://journals.aol.com/lindainspokane/LifewithLinny

peppypioneer said...

Perhaps she does remember deep inside her head where she can't get concious access to it or where she can't formulate the words for what is there.  And I am glad for you Mary Louise that you can take this pain at watching Peggy disappear and immortalize her and her green eyes and bubbling personality for those of us not lucky enough to have had a "Peggy" in our lives.  Paulette

caragricke said...

I remember that Christmas at BJ's and the coffee cup.  We all had a good time that Christmas.  So many memories....I, too, cherish items PJ gave me and especially the ones with her writing.  caragricke (Barbara)

kareninlc said...

Wow, what an incredible journey yours has been.  I thank my lucky stars I still have all my family around me.  Your strength and ability to face your feelings and overlook the small stuff is admirable.  I hope that you continue to find joy in the lives of all of your sisters.