Monday, November 8, 2004


This morning when I talked with Peggy, I decided not to fill in the empty spaces in our conversation.

I wanted to see if I was rushing to words so quickly that I was not giving her enough time to respond.

This was our phone time this morning.....

Hi Peggy, this is Mary Louise.

Hi and then there was...silence....the dreaded silence.

This is the place where I get uncomfortable and start chattering away.

This morning, I just let the silence fill the minutes.

How are you today?

Good and then silence...

Peggy, do you know who this is?

Yes, and more silence.

Who am I, Peggy?

 When I ask her this question, I get very nervous.                    There is a place within me that still hopes that she will say my name. If she doesn't answer right away, I usually start the nervous chatter.

This morning, I just listened to the silence.

After a minute that seemed like hours, she said, Ummm. Trying to come up with a name.

I usually jump in at this point and say, it's Mary Louise Peggy, your sister.

But I resisted and held the phone and listened to the silence and tried to rest in it's quiet.

Not helping Peggy goes against everything that I am as her sister but today.

 I needed to listen...

I needed to listen to the silence and try to feel comfortable in it's power.

It's not what a person says that is most important, it is what they do. Peggy held the phone to her ear in the silences and didn't hang up.

I knew that she was on the other end of the line and I am learning to accept that she does not have the words to express her feelings any longer.

Today, I did not fill the silences for my sister.

I just listened and didn't try to change the silence for either of us.

I thought back to the times when we were young girls and talking wasn't allowed. We would still communicate with our "Love You Mean it" sign... using our fingers to make the square.

 I knew that Peggy held the phone to her ear and heard my voice. I knew that even though she could not remember my name....

That there is still a special bond........


The Power of the Silence between us.  

     I'm making our " Love You...Mean It" sign in silence...knowing that Peggy and I never needed words to communicate our love as sisters.

I Love You Today and Mean It, Peggy!

Mary Louise



barbpinion said...

Painful as your entries are for you to write I yet love them. They enable me to get acquainted with you and your sister, Peggy. Thank you! *Barb*

stormie4851 said...


sjbodnar2 said...


This is the first time for me veiwing journals,and yours is the one i choose to read.  I have a mother, I think.  Your entry has make me think about finding out if she still remembers me, and if she doesn't, can i forgive her?  sheila

thebaabee said...

Mary Louise,
I think this is one of your most intense journal entries yet.  LuAnne

magogos said...

Mary Louise, This is very powerful. I do not comment often in this journal, because anyting I want to say seem trivial, but I thank you for the gift you give us. Margo

sarajanesmiles said...

I know how tempting it is to fill those silences.
We have them at home, when trying to communicate with our son - who is autistic.  He sits and thinks, and sometimes he doesn't answer for the longest time, if at all.  Am thinking of you and your sister.
Sara   x

jgalarza879 said...

That's definitely a good thing to do!! i like tha fact that you held yourself back....