Friday, May 21, 2004

I WAS VISITING TODAY

I just got off the phone with Peggy. I asked her who was visiting her today and she said; Mary Louise.

What will you be doing?

I don't know.

Will you go shopping together?

No.

Will you just stay home?

yes.

Peggy, Give Mary Louise a big hug for me, O. K.

O.K.

I Love You Today, Peggy.

I Love You Too.

Bye, Peggy. Have a good time with Mary Louise this afternoon and tell her hello for me.

I will.

Bye, Peggy.

Bye.

I held back the tears as I said bye to her. I'm glad that I was visiting in her Alzheimer's mind today.

It makes me feel good and bad to know that she thought that I was with her today.

Good... because on some level she remembers me.

Bad... because she had no idea who she was talking with.

It is so difficult to balance the feelings of knowing that I am with her in her thoughts but not with her in the present.

I hate this disease and what it is doing to Peggy's mind. Losing her like this makes me so angry.

She was such a gentle, caring person. So much fun and so full of life.

Why didn't Alzheimer's choose a person who had no love for people, no goals or care for other peoples feelings. A person that was just out for what they could get.

Why do Bad things happen to Good people?

I just know that it hurts to my bones to watch Peggy disappear like this but one of the blessings of Alzheimer's is that I get to let go of her in stages and not all at once.

I have much to be thankful for and much to grieve about this morning.

A person is valuable just because they exist. Not because of what you do or what you have done, but Simply because You are You........Max Lucado

Peggy has been a special sister to me and I miss her warmth, laughter and our talks.

Losing her has made a huge hole in my heart that I must now fill up with memories that play like a movie.

She was my friend.

On the day that Peggy was born...God shouted.... YES!

On the day that she dies and goes to be with God...I will be happy for her and glad that her nightmare is over.............

 And through my tears...I will Look up towards heaven and shout.........YES!!!!

I Miss You Today and I Love You Today, Peggy!

Mary Louise

3 comments:

geminifizz said...

This is my first time to your journal. I really enjoyed it. It is very emotional, yet inspiring.

Mike+

hestiahomeschool said...

it's my first visit, too. My daughter's grandmother is battling this terrible disease. It is so hard to watch her slip into the abyss.

kathyrep2004 said...

You are an amazing person in that you can express yourself and you choose just the right words to describe how you feel and how your describe the physical and emotional aspects of what your sister is going through. How old is she and how old was she when this terrible condition started affecting her?