Monday, May 24, 2004

THE ALZHEIMER'S HOURGLASS

Peggy had a hard time talking this morning. She answered  yeah to every question and had no idea that she was talking with me. I asked her who she was talking with and she never answered my question.

Calls like this are difficult and I am drained when I hang up the phone.  The voice on the other end of the phone line sounds like Peggy but the ability to communicate with her is getting harder.

Today, I must have said good-bye to her 10 times. She would say bye to me but not hang up the phone.                                      Finally, I said; Peggy, you can hang up the phone now. She laughed and said O K, bye and thanks but didn't hang up. I was painfully aware that another memory has been erased from her mind.         The memory to hang up the phone after a conversation is over.

I finally had to close the cover of my cell phone to disconnect after 10 minutes of saying good-bye. I felt a wave of sadness wash over me as I put my cell phone back into my pocket. I then cried for the Peggy that I used to know and for the Peggy that has disappeared from my life.

Talking with her every day is like watching sand run through an hour glass. More of Peggy is tricking from the top bulb to the bottom of the hourglass every minute.

The sand in the top of the hourglass is who she was...The sand in the bottom of the hourglass is who she has become.

 I cannot turn Peggy's hourglass over when all of the sand runs out so that she can start over again.

When all of the sand that was Peggy has fallen to the bottom...

Her fear will be over.....

Her struggles will be over....

Her life will be over....

Alzheimer's has put Peggy's mind in an hourglass and I can only watch as she slides away from everyone that she loves.

All that I can do now is.....

Keep her in my heart and remember with a smile.... 

when the top of the hourglass was full.

I Love You Today, Peggy!

Mary Louise

 

5 comments:

barbpinion said...

You are reflecting God's love, the purest love, in such a precious way.  I feel similar things as I watch my husband fade away too. Cancer is changing his appearace and stealing his life away. May the Lord hold you close and comfort you, Mary.  *Barb*

rha4497496 said...

God Bless you Mary Louise!  You and Peggy continue to be in my prayers!  Robyn

sasonalmah said...

Thank you for your comment on my journal!  Your story reminds me of the battle that we faced just a couple of years ago with my granny.  Just a week before she passed, all her senses came back to almost full steam!  It was like her final hurrah.....  She remembered everyone and had wonderful conversations with us (she hadn't talked in over a year)!  Then, she went back to being a vegetable and slipped away from us......  I will keep you and your family in my prayers.....

Tracy

caragricke said...

What can I say....beautifully written and so true.  I love you so much because you risk calling her each day.  I can't or don't because I don't want to hear it so I don't call.  Love, caragricke

merelyp said...

Beautiful.  
All your metaphors work--without strain, without clumsiness, without effort, it seems.  Your gift to express this pain is something to behold... and that is what makes it so important.  I will never see an hourglass again and not think of Peggy.
In that sense, she has started back fully at the top bulb.  That's what you've done for Peggy, for your family, for yourself, for others who know this trickle of sand.