Wednesday, May 12, 2004



Peggy didn't want to talk to me today. She would say, yes or no but nothing else.

The sitter said that she was very quiet today and that she could not get her to eat anything.....I asked her why she didn't want to eat and she said, don't know. I joked that I always wanted to eat!  There was no responce.

I wonder what she is thinking when she has days like this.  I wonder if she even remembers that it is me on the other end of the line.

There is no way for me to know.

After the call, I went out to sit by the waterfall. I watched as the water fell from one rock to the other and splashed into the pond below. Watching the water gives calm to my heart and also gives me time to think and put my life in perspective.

 I watched the water fall take it's predictable path down each rock to the pond below.  I thought about Peggy and what Alzheimer's disease is doing to her mind and personality.

If the water in the pond had Alzheimer's disease it would be running in reverse.

It would flow from the pond, up the rocks and into the source of the water and would stop and never flow down the rocks again.

This is what Alzheimer's disease is doing to Peggy.

It is taking her predictable flow of life from birth to old age and reversing it.

She has gone from a grown woman, to a child and eventually to the womb and death. Because if the water in the pond is reversed, it would stop at it's source.

I miss Peggy! I miss hearing the flow of her life when we talk.

Today, I realized that the flow of her life is nearing the source and soon...The water that is Peggy will cease to flow. The sounds of Peggy laughing and dancing through the flow of her life will be no more.

This will happen because Alzheimer's disease entered her brain and changed the ebb and flow of the waterfall that was Peggy's life.

I Love You Today, Peggy!

Mary Louise


barbpinion said...

I am so sorry you hurt so much, that your family, loving precious Peggy, hurts so much. I cannot do much but pray and prayer is really the best gift, the very best.
Hugs. **Barb**

raket2001 said...

You have a lovely is so sad....but what a tribute....

shanazdrojowy said...

I also appreciate your journal.  It is as the other post says, a beautiful tribute.

How old is your sister, Peggy?  She looks so young to have such a terrible disease.  I've know people with Alzheimer's but have not had it directly touch my life in the way you have; yet with your journal it is all the easier to imagine.

I will pray today for your strength and courage to continue for Peggy's sake.  I also thank God there are people like you to help when we fall.  

Ephesians 4:9-12:

9 Two people can accomplish more than twice as much as one; they get a better return for their labor. 10 If one person falls, the other can reach out and help. But people who are alone when they fall are in real trouble. 11 And on a cold night, two under the same blanket can gain warmth from each other. But how can one be warm alone? 12 A person standing alone can be attacked and defeated, but two can stand back-to-back and conquer. Three are even better, for a triple-braided cord is not easily broken.