Peggy didn't want to talk to me today. She would say, yes or no but nothing else.
The sitter said that she was very quiet today and that she could not get her to eat anything.....I asked her why she didn't want to eat and she said, don't know. I joked that I always wanted to eat! There was no responce.
I wonder what she is thinking when she has days like this. I wonder if she even remembers that it is me on the other end of the line.
There is no way for me to know.
After the call, I went out to sit by the waterfall. I watched as the water fell from one rock to the other and splashed into the pond below. Watching the water gives calm to my heart and also gives me time to think and put my life in perspective.
I watched the water fall take it's predictable path down each rock to the pond below. I thought about Peggy and what Alzheimer's disease is doing to her mind and personality.
If the water in the pond had Alzheimer's disease it would be running in reverse.
It would flow from the pond, up the rocks and into the source of the water and there...it would stop and never flow down the rocks again.
This is what Alzheimer's disease is doing to Peggy.
It is taking her predictable flow of life from birth to old age and reversing it.
She has gone from a grown woman, to a child and eventually to the womb and death. Because if the water in the pond is reversed, it would stop at it's source.
I miss Peggy! I miss hearing the flow of her life when we talk.
Today, I realized that the flow of her life is nearing the source and soon...The water that is Peggy will cease to flow. The sounds of Peggy laughing and dancing through the flow of her life will be no more.
This will happen because Alzheimer's disease entered her brain and changed the ebb and flow of the waterfall that was Peggy's life.
I Love You Today, Peggy!