Thursday, May 13, 2004

A GHOST FROM THE PAST

I talked with Peggy's sitter for a while this morning. She said, I don't want to hurt your feelings but I don't think Peggy knew who you were yesterday. I reassured her that I understood that and for her not to worry.

When Peggy came to the phone, she was quiet, like yesterday. She used one word answers to most of my questions.

Then, she surprised me...

I said, is anyone visiting today? She replied, Yes.                            I asked who was going to visit and she said Mary Louise!               I said, she is???   When is she coming? Peggy replied, she is here now.   Great, I said. Will you give her a big hug for me?          Peggy said, yes.

To lighten my mood and to keep from crying, I asked ...Well, How is M. L. looking these days? Peggy's answer was... She looks real good and is happy!  I said; I hope ya'll have a good time together Peggy. We will, she said.  You know, Good times, even as a ghost with Peggy are treasured.

She does remember me on some level! What a wonderful gift today! 

It makes me happy and sad at the same time because.....                                   

If she thought that I was there with her...She had no idea who she was talking too!

It hurts to think that someone you love doesn't remember who you are.  But it is healing to think Peggy does remember a ghost of me.

I don't mind being a ghost to Peggy. Even if she doesn't know who I am today...she still has a faint memory of me from our past.

She knows that I love her enough to visit with her and that's all that really matters to me today.

Love... comes out of heaven, unasked and unsought.  Pearl S. Buck

Peggy gave me a gift today. The gift of being remembered.

I Love You Today, Peggy!

Mary Louise

6 comments:

barbpinion said...

Love once given is never wasted. You gave Peggy so much love in her lifetime that it is there always. I wish so much this horrible disesase could be erased. But this entry made me smile too, because it allowed you too. BIG HUGS. **Barb**

shayreen1 said...

THAT IS VERY GOOD M. L. I AM SOOOOO GLADE FOR YOU.
                                                                               SHAY.

soon2beearkhotie said...

((hugs))

your a good sister... :)
how unfortunate that this happens to some, and it doesnt even effect others..
wishing you 2 the best the world has to offer
mel

greyhoundloner03 said...

It's  hard being "up" when your sister is having a one-syllable-answers sort of day. I agree. I worked on a pulmonary ward, where family members watched helplessly as their loved ones fought for every little bit of oxygen they could get. They had those days like you have described, too. I came to know these patients, and did my best, whether family members were present or not, to do a little extra for them, whether it be fluffing pillows, helping with wayward hairdos,no matter how ill the patient, I could always detect that they were "in there", and they made sure I knew it, one way or the other. A lady I care for over the years named "Stovie" used to hold her breath for short intervals, causing the life-support ventilator to alarm, and I'd fly in there like a crazy woman, terrified that something was wrong with my favorite patient. One day she smiled (around her breathing tube) and wrote a note on her everpresent legal pad saying that she was lonesome, and wanted me to come and be with her.
I know that I am not describing the same pain that you and your family are experiencing now, I looked at the pictures in your journal, and you seem like a happy, close knit bunch.I thought I would try to share with you that even though the Altzheimer's is attacking your beautiful sister's mind and personality, I know she's "in there" too. I know you would much rather her remember you in more situationally appropriate ways, but often it just doesn't work that way.I was happy to read that she remembered you on some level, and that it was enough for you, today.
I must be the most awful person in the world, because all I could think about all this time was that I wish I had family like yours. I broke my neck 7 years ago, and my family is too busy with their lives to help. I know your sister really appreciated the daily calls, whether she understands that they come every day, or two days a week,and if she can't thank you, I will: Thank you for being a good sister. It matt

greyhoundloner03 said...

It matters.

wendy4145 said...

I think that is awsome that she said her visitor is "Mary Louise!"  There you are, still, right by eachother's sides!
Love,
Wendy