Tuesday, April 6, 2004

TIME

When I was 4 years old, my parents said that I would wake in the night crying. I would say that I didn't want to get old. Maybe, I knew somewhere in my 4 year old mind that time would go quickly.

I do remember when Christmas Eve seemed to last forever and my birthday seemed so far away.

Now time....is Now!

Monday becomes Monday again in the blink of an eye. Weeks melt into years and I hardly notice that a year has passed. New Year's Eve comes faster and faster. My children grew up and left home and I still wonder how that happened so fast.

I thought that Peggy and I would have time to grow old together. Now, I realize that it will not happen.

I do know now that time doesn't mean minutes spent but minutes lived. I have lived in time thinking that there would always be time for everything. I spent time thinking that we would always be around for one another.

Time stopped for Peggy when Alzheimer's decided to take our time away. She stopped living minutes and I stopped thinking that time was on our side.

Now, I remember our times together but time has no meaning to her any longer. Time for Peggy has been replaced by existing. Our times as Sisters has slowed  and is coming to a stop just like our Grandfather clock when I forget to wind it every seven days. When that happens...there is an Erie quite in the house. It's as if the heart beat of our home has stopped. That is what losing Peggy feels like to me.

The most important lesson that I have learned from Alzheimer's Disease is that there is only NOW, this moment because time is never promised, just wished for, just expected. 

How often have I said to myself, I wish that I had a little more time to spend with Mother and Daddy. You cannot get time back once it has passed and that is the best reason to enjoy and cherish the moments with Mother's and Daddy's, Sister's and Brother's, Husband's and Wives and children.

This is my moment in time. I have learned about how precious my moments are. I will always hunt around in my past but I won't dwell there as before.

I know that I cannot change what has happened but I can start appreciating the minutes that lie ahead. It is so easy to keep remembering and not live in the present. I am learning through Alzheimer's that this is the only moment that I have.

Peggy, Thank you for reminding me every day when I hear your voice, to live my life today and not get lost in yesterday.

The only thing that we truly have is.... Now.

Not yesterday and not tomorrow.

Only this very moment in time is truly.. ours.TIME WAITS FOR NO ONE!

I Love You Today, Peggy!

Mary Louise

1 comment:

barbpinion said...

Awesome entry, my friend. YOu have such a wonderful spirit, such an abundance of love for your loved ones. I keep you in my prayers ever day. HUGS.