I didn't call Peggy yesterday.. on purpose.
I asked the sitter this morning if she thought that my Not calling had made a difference. She said she didn't think so but Peggy was always glad to get a call.
I question myself this morning as to why I keep putting myself through making a call to her every day if it doesn't make a difference to her. It always gets my day off to a bad start so why do I keep putting myself through this every day?
Maybe, I should stop calling for a while and give myself a break from the stress. I don't know what I should do.
I was hoping that my calls were making a difference. I Wanted my calls to make a difference.
Maybe, I should just take care of myself for a while and get off this Merry-Go-Round and stand on solid ground and heal my heart.
I feel so guilty for even thinking about not calling Peggy every day. I've been doing it for almost 3 years now. I now have to assess who the calls were for...Peggy or Me.
I know that she is well taken care of and maybe, at this time I need to Take care of myself and my mental health, slow the Merry-Go-Round so that I can jump off and rest.
I'm just not sure what to do.
I Really thought that I was making a difference and Now, I know that I am not.
Peggy would be the first to tell me to take care of myself.
I think that I need to do this but I feel so guilty. I must admit that it was a relief yesterday Not to make the call and hear her struggle with words and sentences but Today...she was laughing!
I love the Merry-Go-Round but I want to get off of this one for a while and only call once or twice a week. Not sure if I am being selfish.
I feel so torn this morning.
I Love You Today, Peggy! I wish you could tell me what to do.
A Sister is a little bit of Childhood that can Never be Lost!......Marion C. Garretty