Monday, April 26, 2004

LIVING IN THE LIGHT AND IN THE DARK

When night comes and the sun has gone away…Is the sun gone forever?  No, it has just gone to shine somewhere else!

 

Is the Peggy that I have known gone? Yes.         Is she gone forever? No, she is waiting for the time when she will go and shine somewhere else.

 

When night comes, it can feel heavy,black and sometimes...scary but then, if I look up I can see the brilliant stars that cannot shine in the daylight.    So, the night has its dark beauty.                        The darker the night, the brighter the stars!

 

I am trying to understand the brightness that Alzheimer’s holds for those of us who love Peggy.  I am learning that it does hold light.  I have been forced to learn the places that darkness and light reside within me.

 

I have found a strength that I didn’t know that I had.  I have found a softness in my soul because of my tears. I have learned that death is not the worst thing that can happen to a person. I have learned to face my fear of developing the same disease.

 

Watching Peggy live in the dark night of Alzheimer’s I have learned to live each day and walk in the sun while it is here.  I have learned that the darkest of nights have the brightest of stars. In my darkness, I tend to hold my head down instead of turning my face upward to see the brilliant display above me.  I have learned  because of the darkness Of Alzheimer's Disease to look up in my darkest hours and see the lights twinkling above me.

 

I have learned that though Alzheimer’s has taken Peggy away, I will never let it steal the memories that I have of her.  I have written my memories down and even if I develop the disease at some point, my memories are safe.

 

I have learned to enjoy the warm sun of a bright day and I have learned to embrace the darkness of the night.

 

I have learned to accept me as I am, in the sunshine or in the darkness.                                    I have learned that I am a strong person who is given sunshine and darkness to deal with every day and do you know what?

 

I am ready for the challenge.

 

I Love You Today, Peggy!

 

Mary Louise

4 comments:

barbpinion said...

Oh I am so proud of you for accepting the challenge. You have been through- and are going through so much. My prayers are with you. HUGS..my friend. **Barb**

trooperboy96 said...

No question about it, this is your best journal entry yet.  I love you Mom.

-R

gbgoglo said...

WAY TO GO, M.L.
May the One above continue to enlighten your way.  Love and blessings to you and Peggy.

shirl3436 said...

This  was my  first  visit,  I  wrote  today  about  my  sister  who  I  lost in  Nov. I  am  so  sad  for  you  to have  to  watch  someone  you  love get  lost  within  their  self, My  mother  in  law  had  this  and  it  was  so  sad  to  watch her  every  day loose more  memory  of  us, It  is  not  easy for some one you  love loose all memory  of  you. Keep  your  faith and  God  bless  you  and  your  family  for this nightmare  you  are  in. And  love  to  Peggy.