Saturday, October 8, 2005


One of the major things that I have missed as I have watched Peggy disappear is our sharing.

Growing up, we shared clothes, shoes and advice and truth.

Who else would you share clothes and shoes with than someone you trust. Someone, who was herself but was also a part of you.

Who else would you trust to tell you the truth if it was not your sister?

I would get dressed for a date when we were at home and ask Peggy what she thought of my outfit. Sometimes, she would scrunch her face and tilt her head and say...uhhhh, M.L, I think a white blouse would look better than the one you have on and change your shoes.

I always took her advice because I knew that she was honest with me and told me the truth.... in a kind way.

Who else would be as honest about hair, makeup, clothes, and men than your sister?

Trust between Peggy and me came early. We were honest with one another on many levels.

I miss that. I miss our sharing and I miss her honesty but 

our sharing is one part of our sisterhood that I miss the most.

I get angry that she is not here any longer. Very, very angry but...

 Who do I get angry with?

You can never miss someone who was not there for you.

Peggy was there for me and now she is not.

I was there for Peggy and now she doesn't even remember my name or that we were sisters.

Life has played a cruel trick on us and now I must go on without her in my life.

I can do this because she taught me to be honest with myself.

I am honest with my feeling this afternoon and I can say with honesty...

I'm angry with her for going away and leaving me to find my own honesty in life. She is no longer there for me to lean on with my troubles or my fears.

Her simple act of going away has left me...

To find my own honesty and strength in life...

All by myself.

I Love You Today, Peggy!

Mary Louise


psychfun said...

And now you are there for her! That is lovely! I wish you didn't have to be like this of course but you are & that is wonderful! I have to think somehow she does know it.

wendy4145 said...

I know you miss your sister.  She was dependable and honest.  I have friends who are like sisters to me.  They are honest with me...  and i trust them about make up, men, major choices and all of it.  They too are a part of me but a strong separate person than me.  I have friends who feel like my brother.

I'm glad you were lucky enough to have a special, close relationship with Peggy.  You have learned how to be special ,close friends with people.  you have learned to trust and cherrish  be yourself.  As Peggy continues to teach you, even as her new life is merging, take advantage of knowing how to form relationships that are cherrishable "like Yours and Peggy's"   Peggy's a beautiful person.  Her life is merging in a different direction than yours  at this time...  But .....All of us are brothers and sisters.  Maybe we can learn to cherrish and trust all of our brothers and sisters.  Peggy will still be your favorite special sister.  But you will honor her by treating others has she has treated you.

ozchick48 said...

Mary Louise,

I lost my sister Mary Ann to Alzheimers on February 26, 2005 at the age of 54.  I occasionally go to your journal and read your updates.  This brings back so so many memories of me and my sister.  We were also best friends and God knows how much I miss her.  She was always there for me when I was going through some really rough times in my life.  I could tell her ANYTHING,  bad or good, and she never judged me or criticized me for some of the bad decisions I made.  I sit and cry, as I am doing now, because of the emptiness I feel.  It's like a piece of my heart was taken on February 26.  I was fortunate enough to be with her when she passed.  There was such a look of serenity and peace on her face.  I was angry with God for doing this terrible thing to my sister and asked that he transfer it to me so my sister could be whole again.  She was such a good, loving person.  I could go on and on, but won't.  Thank you for sharing your journal.