Tuesday, October 25, 2005


Yesterday, I was working on an entry for this journal.

I had written all of my emotions about watching Peggy disappear when all of a sudden, the screen went blank and my desk top appeared.

I sat there and stared at the blank screen. There was no way to retrieve everything that I had written. No way to retieve the emotion as I wrote those words. They were gone...

Then, a screen appeared that said; Your connection to AOl has been lost.

All of a sudden...my connection was lost and my words disappeared. Just like Peggy, I thought.

Then, another screen popped up and said...FIX IT FOR ME.

I clicked on the fix it for me button and my connection was restored and AOl was up and running again.

I went back to my journal and faced a blank screen that once contained all the words that I had typed about Peggy.

I had to start all over again trying to recall what I had written. The words would not come and the thoughts that had been recorded minutes before were lost.

The blank screen is Peggy and our connection has been lost. There is no screen that will pop up in our lives that says....

Fix it for me.

My connection to Peggy has been lost forever and no one can repair the damage.

Wouldn't it be wonderful if there were a button that we could push that had these words written on it.

Fix it for me!

I could push the "fix it for me" button....

And Peggy would appear back in my life, just the way she was before her screen went blank.

I Love You Today, Peggy!

Mary Louise


aniracj said...

If only it was that easy my friend! Since my dear dad passed from Alzheimers I have been trying to find a way to help the community and I am now working in the Mental Health sector of the National Health Service; I also talk to people(professional and personal) on a daily basis who have 1st hand experience of this awful illness and the work is ongoing to find a cure, or at least a way of holding back the onset. I worry as my father's family all had Alzheimers and we were informed that it was a possible congenital form....I pray that it was not.

barbpinion said...

So sorry you lost your entry. I hate when that happens. I had written a quite lengthy entry, one of my best, I thought, and pushed save- and there it went, only it wasn't saved. I don't know what happened to it. But I DO know how frustrating it can be. So sorry it is like that with Peggy. I so admire your courage, and even more, your enormous love for her.
God bless you,
Barb- http://journals.aol.com/barbpinion/HEYLETSTALK

wendy4145 said...

Not for ever.  You and Peggy will be reconnected, for eternity.

psychfun said...

Very interesting perspective today! It does get me to really realize a bit better.

stormie4851 said...

I have had that happen to me after writing an especially long piece, it was awful.  I relate to how you used it as a likeness to your relationship with Peggy.  Wouldnt it be so nice if someone could "fix it", such a sad situation, I feel for you.......Stormie  

justaname4me2 said...

I wanted to drop by and say congratulations on your nomination.
I leave wishing I knew where the fix it button was. Take care and my thoughts are with you this evening....

pharmolo said...

Congratulations on your Vivi award nomination, well deserved. Take care