GOODBYE DOESN'T MEAN FOREVER

This slow goodbye to Peggy every day has taught me that with every goodbye.....I learn.

I have learned that goodbye doesn't mean forever, it just means for now.

I know that even though she doesn't remember me...I remember her and that is what is important.

I have learned to listen to her voice with my heart and not just with my ears.

I now hear the tender sounds in her jumbled sentences. I do not try to correct her speech or her thoughts. I just listen to her voice.

I understand that I do not need to fill up the silent spaces with chatter when we are talking.

I have learned that it is nice to hear her breathing on the other end of my phone line. I know, by hearing her breathe that she is hearing my voice even though she cannot respond.

I know that Alzheimer's disease is to blame for Peggy's lost memories and it was not her choice to forget about me or her life.

I am learning to deal with the fear of getting the disease myself.

I understand that I need not correct her jumbled sentences but listen to how hard she is trying to speak and sound normal.

I have learned that just hearing her voice is a privilege.

It is a empty feeling to know that someone you have known and loved all of your life has forgotten who you are but I have my memories of Peggy and that helps me through this journey.

Watching my sister disappear is a challenge to live with and to understand but understanding why she developed this disease would not ease the pain that I feel.   

I know that we will never go back to the way we were but I feel privileged because..............

I remember Peggy and I continue to learn from her as she continues to forget and to disappear from my life but .....

She will never disappear from my heart!

I Love You Today, Peggy!

Mary Louise