Monday, July 25, 2005


Once, when my son was little, we were sitting on a hill behind our house watching earth moving machines carve out a road. A gust of wind blew past us and he held out his small hand in a grasping motion.

I asked him what he was doing and he said he was trying to catch the wind.

 He would open his hands to see the wind he had caught only to be disappointed when there was nothing there.

Talking to Peggy now is like trying to catch the wind in my hand. I know that she is on the other end of my phone line. I can hear her breathing and struggling to talk but there is no way to catch her in my hand. There is no way to catch her because she is like the wind.

Peggy lives in the wind of Alzheimer's disease and it is blowing destruction through her life.

The wind can be cooling and pleasant or forceful and destructive.

The winds of Alzheimer's disease are forceful and destructive. The only thing that a family of an Alzheimer's patient can do is board up the windows of their hearts and wait for the destruction to be completed.

I have tried each day to catch Peggy in my hand when we talk but I am always disappointed. I open my hands and my heart to see if she is there but my hands are always empty.

I can feel her presence blowing through my life but there is no way to connect to her. I cannot hold her in my hands and keep her in this place that I call home. 

The Alzheimer's wind is taking her away from this world a little more every day with the force of it's fury.

But it can never completely take her away because...

When I see the trees dance in the wind or see the tall grasses bow to a breeze........

I will feel the presence of Peggy.

When the dark storm clouds gather on the horizon and the wind blows with destructive force..

I will feel the presence of Peggy.

When a gentle wind blows and touches my face...

I will feel the presence of Peggy and.......

On those days when the air is still and there is no wind..

I will still feel the presence of Peggy because she is forever in the wind that blows through my mind.

She will always be present in the wind of my memories.

I Love You Today, Peggy!

Mary Louise



barbpinion said...

And I , and so many others love you, Mary. You,  your sister, and all your loved ones are in my prayers.

wendy4145 said...

so close and yet so far.

I just left Rhode Island after a wonderful visit with my parents.
they are with me one minute, and in cyber space the next...

I know cyber space is a lot easier to deal with than grasping for the wind.
but I think i understand the feeling of so close, so close and yet so far.


chazyjazz said...

I'm a first time visitor to your Journal and love what I'm reading here.  Your love and devotion for your precious sister is evident in every word you write.  She's blessed to have you for a sister...and I know you are equally blessed for having her for your sister.  Thanks for sharing your deep feelings with us, it's truly an inspiration to me.