Monday, April 25, 2005

THE WINDOWS OF THE SOUL

I have become aware of the "look" of an Alzheimer's patient and I can easily spot a person with the disease.

I was at the post office one day and noticed a woman sitting in the car that was parked next to mine.  I got out of my car to go into the post office and I smiled and said hello to her. She slowly turned her head to look at me. When she did..I saw the eyes of Alzheimer's staring back. A dark, blank stare that made me suck in my breath.

The eyes of an Alzheimer's patient eventually turn dark and cold even thought they may have been bright blue, brown or green and laughing with emotion. 

The eyes that reflected the emotions of the soul are slowly dimmed as Alzheimer's takes control of the brain.

Peggy's eyes were green but now, they are round, dark and cold.

 

There are new discoveries in the fight of this terrible disease for so many people and for that, I am thankful. I just wish that Peggy could benefit from the new therapies but I know that it is too late for her.

Alzheimer's disease kills the cells in the brain until there are no open windows to the soul. It draws dark black shades over the eyes and blocks expression from going into and out of the brain.

There is a couple that has been walking down our street for some time. The man always has the woman by the hand and she walks fast to keep up with him.

I mentioned to my husband that I thought the woman probably had Alzheimer's disease. I could tell by the protective way he held her hand and the way she followed him like she was a child. I could also tell by the way they are walking and not talking. I have never seen a vocal exchange between them as they walk by my house every day.

I was at my mailbox when they passed by today and I said hello to them. The man nodded and said hello. The woman slowly turned her head to look at me and when she did, I saw the eyes of Alzheimer's disease.

Alzheimer' makes it impossible for the eyes to see because there is nothing left in the brain to express emotion, even the emotion of saying hello.

I walked back to my house in tears.....

Tears for this woman who was once a bright soul with shining eyes.

Tearsfor Peggy who was also a bright soul with shining green eyes.

Both of these women have had the window to their souls closed by this disease but the windows to my soul were shining as I slowly walked back to my house.

They were shining with tears for all of the bright souls of the world whose windows have been....

Closed forever by Alzheimer's disease.

The windows to Peggy's soul have been closed but the windows to my soul are shining with all the memories of growing up....

Sisters.

I Love You Today, Peggy!

Mary Louise

 

 

4 comments:

mkolasa101 said...

I admire your wanting to keep a journal about your sister and this disease that has consumed her.  However, it appears to have consumed you too.  There is a part of you that really doesn't want to be so focused on Alzheimers. It is your spirit.  The mind focuses but the spirit sees your sister the way God does.  The spirit beholds her whole and perfect just as God made here.  Spirit does not see dark eyes with a blank stare, spirit looks deeper to the soul that is never tarnished, not even by a disease such as Alzheimers.  You must remember what you are seeing is mearly physical.  There is a much more important aspect of your sister than that and it is her spirit.  Sit quietly with her sometime.   Don't ask her questions.  Just hold her hand and be there in silence, you will find the sister you think you are losing is still the sister you always had.

Remember what you focus on comes to be.

Marlene-PurelyPoetry.  

wendy4145 said...

I don't know why Mary Louise. But I had to cry on this one.  I did hear about treatments for this disease and I thought of you and Peggy.  I don't know why this has to happen to people.  But I hate it.  Keep your shining eyes focused on the hope of everything.

I'm sorry.
Love,
Wendy

annalisa135 said...

You have a very understanding, loving, compassionate heart, Mary Louise!  God bless you, honey.

lowis6535 said...

    I admire your courage to face the cruel circumstances.  Some people might stay away from being hurt and from the challenges brought on by the visits to a person who is disappearing.  You will be cherishing these moments forever, even tho painful.