Wednesday, April 20, 2005


RULE: 1. An authoritative regulation for action, conduct, method, procedure, etc. 2. An established practice that serves as a guide.

I have had to learn to live by a set of rules when calling Peggy.

All of the rules that I knew when talking with her went out the window when Alzheimer's entered her mind and destroyed  her thoughts and memories.

Here are my rules but I don't always follow them.


1. Talk to Peggy like she remembers who I am.

2. Tell her that I love her today.

3. Don't get hurt feelings when Peggy hangs up the phone while I am talking to her.

4. Remember that she cannot help what has happened to her.

5. When I ask her to sing a song...don't cry when she forgets the words.

6. Ask questions that require more than a yes or no answer.

7. Recount memories of growing up at home.

8. Tell her that she is a beautiful person.

9. Ask her what she ate for breakfast or lunch.

10. Repeat numbers 1, 2 and 3.

11. Stay calm and be understanding.

12. Be patient and flexible.

13. Don't argue or try to convince her of something.

14. Try not to take her behavior personally. Accept the behavior as the disease talking and try to work through it.

15. Remind myself that the Peggy that I knew is gone even though her voice sounds the same.

16. Repeat 1, 2, and 3.

I Love You Today, Peggy and I Miss You!

MY SISTERS HAVE TAUGHT ME HOW TO LIVE.          (George Wasserstein)

Mary Louise


sanforized6 said...

Golden Rules!! rich

mkolasa101 said...

Thank you for sharing these rules that I believe apply to my own mother, who had three strokes and now dementia.  One I would add for my mom is don't take it personal when she calls you a name like Stupid A-- because when your speech center is affected by a stroke you tend to use words that you didn't used to and you really do think you said something else.  So don't confront her on calling you a Stupid A-- because in her own mind she believes she called you sweetheart.  LOL They also apply when talking to my sister who has congestive heart failure and hardening of the ateries.  It's best to just let her talk and talk and talk and you just listen and agree.  All I can pray is God don't let her have a heart attack when talking to me, her kids would say I caused it.  Oh well, enough of that boo hoo hoo victim stuff.  She's still here, don't kow how much longer or which day she'll pass on, but I can still listen to her tell her story over and over again, all she needs is someone to listen.  Guess that's me.

wendy4145 said...

Those are some tough rules to live by!  Alzheimers is hardest on the families.  My prayer for you is that God take the pain away from your heart even though you know, and feel what is going on.

isabellemariah said...

That brought tears to my eyes. Thank you for sharing, that was absolutley lovely

deveil said...

You are a beautiful sister yourself!


cherry2sweet2eat said...

Those are great rules to live by with your sister its frustrating but you are doing a good job and you want the best for her~cherry

annalisa135 said...

My heart goes out to you and Peggy.  You are a beautiful, loving sister.  God bless you, comfort, strengthen, guide you.