Monday, April 18, 2005


Have you ever been walking in the Spring or Summer and suddenly it started to rain?

The air is warm but the raindrops are cold as they come in contact with your skin. The cold drops send shivers through your body.

This is what it feels like as I continue to watch Peggy disappear.

Sometimes, it is hard to hear the warmth of her familiar voice and the coldness in her words.

I will continue my walk with Peggy this spring as the cold rain falls into my heart and sends shivers through my body.

This walk in the rain is called life and we all experience it's warmth and it's chill. Each of us must decide how we will react to a situation when the rain falls in our lives.

I had an umbrella of hope for years and when I called Peggy, I could stop the cold, chilling rain of Alzheimer's from touching my skin.

Now, the umbrella of hope has been folded and put away and we are both soaked to the skin.

I will continue to walk in the cold rain of this disease as it continues to drown my sister.

I can either look back and see how much I have lost or look forward and see how far I have come. 

I do look back sometimes and cry at the unfairness of this disease touching Peggy's life at such a young age. But I was never promised that life would be fair and life has been very unfair to Peggy.

The Alzheimer's rain is pouring down on her and there is no umbrella that can protect her mind from the flood of this disease as it drowns her thoughts, memories and future.

I remember the summer rains when we were children. I remember playing in the cold rain and watching Peggy twirl around to try and catch the drops in her mouth.

I cannot stop the Alzheimer's rain from pouring down on Peggy but......

I can walk with her as.....

 She continues to drown.

I Love You Today, Peggy!

Mary Louise



wendy4145 said...

It is hard to lose.  To lose someone suddenly is devistating.  To lose someone gradually seems excrutiating.  It is hard to count our blessings when we lose.  It is hard to focus on our pain when we WIN!  My prayer is for you to experience a lot of winning in other ways while the unfairness of  losing Peggy carrys on.

A prayer of Thanks  to God  that we have our families, children, husbands.....  A prayer of Trust  to God to be with us in our loss, to fulfill us in our loss, and to enrich the lives of those who we are losing in Gods own way.

I pray this for you and your family Mary Louise


domesticatedchic said...

I am sorry for your pain.. I cant imagine what it must be like for you..


monkeypirate5 said...

I know how you feel, my grandmother has alzheimers and it's really hard to be around it espeacially when it's someone you love, and they can't even reconize you. my grandmother at first tried to kill me--I was devistated!

sablebwnhorse said...

It certainly is a terrible thing.I've cursed the thing they call alzheimer's. I work in a place were family members bring their loved ones. It has got to be hard for them. the family and most of all the person who has alzheimers. i've cryed many a tear for both family and family member. we watch as they make their decent downward. we care for these lovely people. I can not use names nor the place that I work. these people are protect by the law called Hipa. We certainly get very attached to them. It is so hard for us also. Some family members stop visiting their loved ones. I wish that they did not do that. I understand it is beyond understanding what is happening to their loved ones. The disease is a scary thing for the family member. It seems at times they do remember things and can talk with you.Some get so depressed when family members stop coming and do not want to get out of bed.I tell you true do not stop visiting. we have a lady who's husband is where i work. she comes to feed him 3 times a day. It is a delight to see him when she walks in the building. she takes him by the hand and mumbles something and she just looks him in the eye and tells him how much she loves him.although the disease has taken many memories away,I believe because she comes every day he has never forgotten her. even if it is for the briefest moment  that the sparkle is in his eyes again for her. One thing they always did was dance. she'll just take his hand and dance with him. he never misses a step. she is a wonderful person and still comes everyday and can spend time with him. I only hope you can do the same with your sister. I feel the pain with you although I do not know you nor your sister. I will keep you in my thoughts. Sable

deabvt said...

Wonderful writing.

annalisa135 said...

Sending you a big, warm hug!!!