Tuesday, April 12, 2005

WILL YOU KNOW MY NAME?

 

Tears In Heaven by Eric Clapton and Will Jennings

Would you know my name
If I saw you in heaven?
Would it be the same
If I saw you in heaven?

I must be strong
And carry on,
'Cause I know I don't belong
Here in heaven.

Would you hold my hand
If I saw you in heaven?
Would you help me stand
If I saw you in heaven?

I'll find my way
Through night and day,
'Cause I know I just can't stay
Here in heaven.

Time can bring you down,
Time can bend your knees.
Time can break your heart,
Have you begging please, begging please.

Beyond the door,
There's peace I'm sure,
And I know there'll be no more
Tears in heaven.

Would you know my name
If I saw you in heaven?
Would it be the same
If I saw you in heaven?

I must be strong
And carry on,
'Cause I know I don't belong
Here in heaven.

TIME CAN BRING YOU DOWN, TIME CAN BEND YOUR KNEES. TIME CAN BREAK YOUR HEART, HAVE YOU BEGGING, PLEASE......

 

The phone calls to Peggy yesterday and today were difficult.    Peggy just said "what" to everything that I said to her.

It was as if I was speaking in a foreign language and she was struggling to understand what I was saying to her.

Or, it was like she had lost her hearing and could barely hear my voice.

I found myself speaking slower and louder to get her to understand my words.

I told her that I loved her today and she said, What?

I love you, Peggy, I repeated...silence and then... What?

Peggy, this is Mary Louise, your sister........What???

Peggy, can you hear me?  What??

She couldn't hear or understand my words.

She couldn't understand my love for her.

She didn't know who I was as I talked to her.

So...

Will Peggy know my name when I meet her in heaven? Will it be the same, when I see her in heaven? I must be strong and carry on cause I know...I don't belong...here in heaven.

Peggy is living in her own world, her own heaven. She is living in a place where I am not welcomed and I do not belong.

Peggy doesn't know my name or who I am and so I must be strong and carry on.........because I know that someday she will walk up to me and say.....

Hi, Mary Louise!

I Love You Today, Peggy!

Mary Louise

6 comments:

lacaza3 said...

Peggy is very beautiful...Did you and her ever talk about the disease when she found out about having it...did she tell you how much she loved you and never forget that....
Just curious..I thought of you the other day I saw a program about them giving alzehiemers patient b-12 shots or sublinqually which help them a little..It didnt reverse anything just help them be a little more alert..
Is peggy far away from you at the place she is staying at....
Yes she will know you in heaven.....IT will be a beautiful reunion..
I'm so sorry that your having to feel this sadness..
The words I'm sorry seemed so small to say for me...but I can't put into words because I havent experecnced what your going through..
My grand father had alzhimers but he has long gone....
I did watch the film the notebook which dealt with dementia...SO sad I cryed for hours....
AS long as there are memories in your heart peggy will always be there..
She remembers you...she just doesnt know she remembers you...
Donna In TEXAS
http://journals.aol.com/Lacaza3/sweepingthecobwebsofmymind/

sanforized6 said...

And, after saying "hi!" she'll say what you've been waiting for, "I love you, mary Louise!!" rich

lindainspokane said...

i dont know how u do it...u are an amazingly strong woman...all of your sisters are...i dont know if i could call my sister on a daily basis and try talking to her and her not knowing who i am...i know that your heart must break that this is happening...it would do the same thing to all of us i am sure...but each time i read your journal i feel this sense of strength that u have...and it is amazing...how is peggy doing really? i mean besides the not knowing who u are and such...does a persons body with this terrible disease, know to start shutting down? i guess i mean since the mind is in the process of stopping to work does the body do that also?  i am sorry if this is too personal and too hard to answer...i just dont know much about it...again thank u so much mary louise for sharing this sad, sad journey of yours and your whole family...i feel like i have really gotten to know u all over the past several months...sending much love and lots of prayers..

linda
http://journals.aol.com/lindainspokane/LifewithLinny
http://journals.aol.com/lindainspokane/LinnysLuciousLickings

wendy4145 said...

YEP, PEGGY WILL SAY HELLO MARY LOUISE AGAIN.

I LOVE THAT SONG BY ERIC CLAPTON THAT HE WROTE WHEN HE LOST HIS 5 YEAR OLD SON TO AN WINDOW ACCIDENT.

THOSE ARE QUESTIONS THAT WE ALL WONDER ABOUT.  WILL WE BE THE SAME.

I THINK THE ANSWER IS YES AND NO.

=)  WILL WE BE ENOUGH... YES.

WILL WE BE TOGETHER AGAIN... YES.

WILL WE BE one  WITH GOD AND EACHOTHER?  NOW THAT I DO NOT KNOW....

BUT WE WILL MEET AGAIN AND IT WILL BE SWEET AND OK THEN.
LOVE,
wENDY

bonniedancin66 said...

Yes, Peggy will know your name in Heaven.  My grandmother Edith lost the world as she knew it to Alzheimers.  It was very difficult to spend that last week I spent with her when I was 28 and pregnant with my second child (I couldn't even tell her I was pregnant because it would have just confused her).  She kept asking me where were the kids?  She said she saw them come from the airport with me, why did I leave them outside?  I only had one at the time, he was an infant, and was home with his dad so I could spend the last days I would ever spend with my gram.  She thought I had three children, and throughout my stay kept asking me to let the children come in.  She was afraid, and felt alone, felt as if people were against her, felt lost and sometimes would get lost wandering to find her way.  My grandmother passed away in March of 1995........I will never forget the way she used to be, or the love she gave............my daughter, who never met her great-grandma Edith talks about her, and covets a blanket she made for my son.........feels and talks as if she knew her, and has had very vivid dreams about her.  Peggy will know you.........God bless you, sending you stregnth and peace...Bonnie

cherry2sweet2eat said...

i actually love the song 'stairway to heaven'~cherry