Do You Remember Love?

Your Christmas pictures upset me, Peggy. I knew you were getting worse but It is easy to pretend when you are so far away.  I'm glad you are surrounded by family even as you Forget Love.

This monstrosity started gaining momentum when it knew it was winning!  I remember how scared you were when you couldn't remember things and then you became terrified!   

I wanted to reach in your mind and grab that slimy monster by it's throat and pull it off of your brain before it could destroy you!!!!!  But when I saw the pictures I knew that "The Damn monster" has already won!  

It has now sucessfully sucked the thoughts and rememberances from your mind.

I am angry this morning at what Alzheimer's has done to you.   

 I am angry that I can do nothing to stop this from happening to you.!   

 I am Angry because I can see in the pictures that...You Can't Remember Love!

Peggy, my Anger has turned into Fear but I  Promise You that I Will Make Sure that My Fear turns back into Courage as I continue to Watch You..Disappear!

I love you today, Peggy.              Mary Louise

Becoming "REAL"

One of my favorite books is "The Velveteen Rabbit" by Margery Williams.  The Velveteen Rabbit is a book about becoming REAL!   

A little boy received a stuffed Rabbit for christmas.The rabbit was beautiful, his coat was spotted with brown and white. He had thread wiskers and his ears were lined with pink sateen.The little boy fell in love with his rabbit.    One day the Rabbit asked the Skin Horse, the oldest toy in the nursery, What is REAL?  

The Skin Horse replied..REAL isn't how you are made! It is a thing that happens to you. It happens when someone loves you for a long time, not just to play with but REALLY LOVES YOU!

THEN, You Become Real!  The rabbit didn't notice, as years went by, that his velveteen fur was getting shabby and his tail had become unsewn or that the pink of his nose had been kissed off, his wiskers had been loved off and the pink sateen of his ears had turned grey.The boy thought his rabbit was still beautiful. He had become REAL and when you are real...shabbiness doesn't matter.

A Loved one is forever REAL and Beautiful.   

Peggy has changed but she is still beautiful to me!    Peggy,You are My Velveteen Rabbit! Teaching me to be REAL in my everyday life.     

I Love You Today, Peggy.       

Mary Louise

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

SMILE

                                                    SMILE

Smile..though your heart is aching.

Smile even though it's breaking.

When there are clouds in the sky..You'll get by.

 If you smile through your fear and sorrow..Smile and maybe tomorrow..

You'll see the sun come shining through...For You!

Light up your face with gladness.

Hide every trace of Sadness...

All though a Tear may be ever so near...

That's the time you must keep on trying..

SMILE, what's the use of crying..

We'll see that life is still worth while...

If "WE" JUST SMILE.

We love you today,Peggy

BettyJean,Barbara,Johnny&MaryLouise

A PLACE CALLED "JUST IS"

I wonder what it would be like to live in the place called "Just Is" like Peggy does!

I can't imagine what it would be like to forget Christmas or to forget my life!

 I admit that sometimes it would be nice to forget the pain I have experienced but that would also mean the lessons learned from the pain would be erased as well. The pain and joy that I have experienced  have been great teachers!

Peggy is getting worse and I am aware that one day she will not be able to talk to me. I cannot imagine not hearing Peggy's voice in my life.

I continue to try and wrap my mind around the concept of no past or future.  We are all a combination of our pasts, our present and our futures. Those memories dictate how we live our lives every day.    

Peggy doesn't seem to be scared or afraid at all.      She has no fear of what will become of her as she slides into Alzheimer's Disease a little more every day. I am thankful for that and that she is living in a happy place called "Just Is."

Peggy's "Just Is" place is a place where she is content and happy.                               

In her Place.. She is the one who decides who will visit her durning the day.      There are never unwanted or uninvited guests. There are only guests that make her happy.

I am thankful that Peggy's "Just Is" place is a safe and a happy enviorment as she continues on her journey and slowly disappears.

Some times, I would like to knock on the door of her mind and have her invite me inside so I could visit and understand what she is feeling.. BUT,

That is Impossible because..

She Lives in a place where she has Forgotten... AND

I Live in a Place Where...

I CAN'T REMEMBER TO FORGET!

I Love You Today, Peggy

Mary Louise

CHRISTMAS DAY 2003

God Grant You the Light in Christmas,

Which is....

Which is Faith;

The Warmth of Christmas,

Which is Love....

The All of Christmas,

Which is Christ!   

Wilda English

 

My sister's love is very special, one I'll treasure through the years.

We've played and laughed together and ofttimes shed many tears.

But through life's maze of problems,

God's placed a bond of love within....

To unite our hearts in wisdom.....

Changing Sister's into Friends!

Judy Meggers

 

Merry Christmas Everyone!

Especially to My Sister's!

I Love You today,Betty Jean!

I Love You Today, Barbara!

I love you Today, Peggy!

Mary Louise

 

 

Christmas Eve

This is the Big Day!             Santa Visits tonight!

Peggy seemed happy this morning but was not interested in  talking. She almost said Hello and Goodbye in the same breath! I take comfort that she is happy. I asked her again if Santa was going to bring her anything and she answered...Everything!

Now, That's the Peggy that I KNOW and LOVE! ( smile).

  Now, I turn to Christmas Eve and Santa's "Possible" visit to me tonight.

I must admit, as I see Santa looking at "THE LIST" that  I get a little nervous and I MAY have been a "little" naughty this year.

Here It Is People...

THE GOOD, THE BAD, THE UGLY!!!!!

O K, O K...I have been A Lot Naughty during the past year but only for Short Periods of Time!

I want Santa to know that I WILL be better this year!  

There is a big Material streak running through my body and It really kicks in on Christmas Eve.

 I try to control it but it is there as big as Life!    I DO WANT Presents!

So Santa, please over look the Naughty in me and I promise that I won't wear my button today... that announces........

ON SANTA'S NAUGHTY LIST....

AND PROUD OF IT!!!

AND, I promise NOT to wear my shirt that say's....

DEAR SANTA, I WANT IT ALL!!!!!!!!!!

I Love You Today Peggy!

Merry Christmas Eve to my sister, who was my partner in mischief while growing up!

Loving you while you slip away from me and loving you as you continue to Reach towards the Heavens To Touch the Face of God!

What a joyous Christmas that will be for You! How very sad for us!

LOVE to my Forever Friend.

Mary Louise

CHRISTMAS GIFT'S TIED WITH HEARTSTRINGS!

What kind of gift do you give someone who doesn't remember who you are or what you meant to one another?

I struggled, thinking of a gift to give to Peggy this Christmas.

She doesn't want or need material things.

So, I decided to give her gifts that are Tied with Heart Strings!

I will give her the gift of my laughter.

I will give her the gift of my time.

I will give her the gift of my rememberances.

I will give her the gift of my care.

I will give her the gift of my love.

I will give her the gift of pictures.... from our past as Sister's.

I will give her the gift of my voice every day.

I will give her gifts that cost no money and are not material in any way because Christmas is a time for gifts from the heart.

The best Christmas gifts are always tied with Heart Strings!

I remember when my children were small and they gave me gifts tied with heartstrings! They had pride and joy on their faces as they presented their gifts to me.

A hand drawn picture. A figure molded from clay. A hand sewn apron. A toy Raccoon glued to a wooden spoon. I especially loved the wad of masking tape that was covered in sparkles!

My heart sang when I received those gifts from my children's hands on Christmas' long ago.

So now, I must think of gifts to give my Sister who is a small child again in many ways and needs........

ONLY GIFT'S TIED WITH HEART STRINGS!!!!!!!!!!

I love you Today, Peggy!

Mary Louise