Wednesday, November 25, 2009


Peggy is very happy right now!
She laughs and smiles. It is like she is in a very safe, happy place in what is left of her mind. I think she must be in the happy toddler stage. If she has to go backward in her mind, I'm glad she is content.
I love you today, Peggy! It has been a long road that is not over yet.

Now, about my husband, John.

He was diagnosed with Parkinson's disease 2 years ago but I had noticed symptoms for 5 years because of watching Peggy disappear.
I know he has Parkinson's but he is declining in his memory also. I am going to ask the Doctor if he could have Alzheimer's too.
He has so many of the same symptoms that Peggy had early in her disease.
He was a brilliant man. Head of several departments at a huge medical center. A public speaker who kept people glued to the topic he was discussing.
Now, he can no longer read. He has trouble speaking and does not know how to make change. He has balance problems and falls a lot. He can no longer tell time or drive the car.
We used to talk and discuss many issues, now, he sits and is very quiet.

He looks like the John that I knew but isn't any longer.

I search the Internet to find anything to help him.
It is like having a child instead of a husband.
I am scared and very lonely. I have support groups etc. but I miss my John, the old John.
I am very tired of handling everything but I see him with much love and will do what I need to do to help make life easier for him.

I am going to start a new blog about John soon. It will be called "DON'T LET GO OF MY HAND, JOHN"
We have always held hands since the summer of 1962 when we met.
I feel him slipping away and I will never let go of his hand!!!!!!!! I know that there will come a day when He will let go of mine! Please, hold on John...Don't let go.......
Please, don't let go!!!!!
I love you Today, John!

Mary Louise


Donna said...

Oh, my dear, I worked with a lady whose husband had Parkinson's. I watched how she suffered and worried.
She seemed to think that some of the meds prescribed for Parkinson's affected her husband's mind. My most heart-wrenching memory of time spent working with her is when she said, "He used to be SUCH a nice man."
The way she said it tore my heart our.

Kathy said...

I am so sorry for John and for you too Mary Louise. I wish I could say something to make your burden easier to bear, but I know whatever I say it would fall short of what I am feeling right now. I will keep you and John and Peggy in my prayers. May God Bless you all.

Maire said...

I'm so sorry Mary Louise; I wish I could give you words of comfort. Hold them fast in your heart...

Carlene Noggle said...

It has been a while since I read any of my friend's journals..and I happen to come across yours tonight. I am so very sorry about John's condition. Peggy, I lost my husband of 35 years to a massive heart attack in 2006, so I sort of know how you feel...I don't know what else to say but that I am so very sorry and I will hold both you and John (and Peggy)in my prayers tonight.

Donna said...

I'm waiting for your new blog. I was just talking about you and your situation to my husband today. Please update. I care.

Rjet33 said...

Oh Mary Louise, I had no idea. I am so sorry. I have some of John's symptoms, but I have been given a probable diagnosis of multiple sclerosis. Sadly, we lost our insurance when I quit my job due to some of the same health issues John seems to be having so I haven't been able to have the MRI I need yet to have the diagnosis confirmed or disproved. Sending prayers your way for John.