I have not been able to write since I returned home from my visit with Peggy.
The words and feelings were there but never found their way to my fingers until today.
The words and feelings of my visit with Peggy banged in my head like rocks, bouncing from one side of my brain and then to the other.
The rocks finally dissolved in to pebbles and slid into my heart. They roamed around for weeks trying to find a place to rest.
The rocks of my feelings dissolved into sand and slid, one grain at a time into my soul.
Today, the grains of sand and feelings about the Peggy have finally made their way to my fingers.
I walked into the room and saw Peggy sitting in her chair. I rushed toward her and we both had huge smiles on our faces.
I dropped to my knees in front of her and took her face in my hands. Her eyes opened wide and there were tears in her eyes and I started to cry.
For a flash of an instant, I thought she recognized me and then...it was gone.
I hugged her but she didn't hug me back.
A little while passed and her husband asked her if she knew the people that were visiting her...She said, No.
I know that Peggy is safe where she is.....But, she is gone from me and that.......
Is the sand of the pain that will always be in my soul.
I experienced the coldness of a stranger during the visit.
No welcoming eyes...
No welcoming arms...
Just a shell of a person that still resembles my sister.
I gave Peggy a soft, cuddly white stuffed dog to hold but she wouldn't touch it. The old Peggy loved stuffed animals but the new Peggy did not.
I mourn for the old Peggy but I am slowly accepting this new Peggy who will always have my love because... she is my sister.
I Love You Today, Peggy...Just the way you are.
I miss you so much.