Monday, September 27, 2004

Love You....Mean It!!!!!

Peggy and I have said good-bye many times over the course of our lives.

I remember the first time that I was allowed to go to a sleep over with my friends. Peggy was about 5 years old and stood with tears in her eyes when I left because she could not go with me. I told her bye and that I would see her in the morning.

Saying good-bye is a natural part of life. It is as natural as saying hello. This good-bye is such a long one that it feels like forever. It will never be long enough to say good-bye and I Love You, Peggy.

Peggy and I have said good-bye on many occasions.  Though it always made me sad to say those words, I knew that we would meet again and take up right where we left off. Our good-bye today would become hello tomorrow.

I have written about this before but I wanted to tell the story again.

When we were girls we had a special hand gesture that we used to communicate when we couldn't talk. We would make a square with our fingers that meant....


It started when we were little girls in church. Peggy would be on one side of the balcony with her friends and I, on the other with my friends.            I would look over to her side of the balcony and she would be making the sign. It would immediately cause laughter from me and shushes from people around me.  Quiet was the rule in church.

I would wait for a while and make the sign back when she least expected to see it. She would look up and see me making the sign and then sink in her seat covering her mouth with her hands.

The last time that I saw Peggy use the sign was in the airport a few years ago. I had been visiting with her and it was time for me to go. Time to say good-bye again.

This particular departure was before the rules that now make it impossible to walk friends or loved ones back to a plane. Peggy and I walked to the boarding area. We hugged and I walked down the hallway to board the plane. Before stepping on the plane, I turned to wave at her. She had a huge smile on her face and was making "the sign."

I smiled all the way to my seat and chuckled as I buckled the seatbelt. As the plane was pulling away, I looked out of the window and broke into laughter. There was Peggy in the big window of the airport...making the sign as the plane taxied away.

I made the sign back and laughed as we pulled away to take off.

I though of our sign this morning after talking with Peggy. I said, I love you today, Peggy. She said; thanks.

I said; Love You... Mean It Today, Peggy!!!!!

Her response was...what?

My heart crunched a little because Peggy doesn't remember me or our sign any longer.

I'm glad that I still remember all the hello's and good-bye's  and the sign that we shared. I hurt because she has forgotten her life and me but....

Nothing is forever.......

Even Good-bye.

I'm sure that when I enter Heaven, Peggy will be standing there to greet me. No words will be necessary because her finger's will be making a square that tells me, welcome and......


I Love You Today, Peggy!

Mary Louise


lindainspokane said...

what a wonderful is so great that u have such a long memory and can remember all these things that peggy cant...u are indeed a special sister...and im sure that if peggy could say it she would be telling u this also on a daily basis...thank u for sharing the heartfelt memories with us...they are wonderful...


dvlwitgrneyes said...

YOur story brought tears to my eyes! That is the only words I can find to say right now.


ozlembuber said...

Marry what a great idea to make a journal like this and share your feelings about your sister with us.  I want you to know that you are not alone and a lot of people are sharing your pain.  Until my grandmother got into this sneaky illness, I did not know much about it.  Now, I know...  I am having the same pain of watching my grandma disappear in front of our eyes.  It is very hard and cannot be explained by words most of the time.  You are doing an excellent job of showing everyone how does it feel. Thank you again.  

Ozlem Buber Barnard, please come by to my journal and have cup of tea.

sharkie412 said...

Loved your story... :)

caragricke said...

I have tears because I can picture all of this.  Berney Points Baptist Balcony, Birmingham Airport, and going across the alley to Judy's house tell me...did she have tears in her eyes because she was going to miss you or tears in her eyes because she would have to sleep in the bed with me and knew I liked everything perfectly quiet so I could go to sleep (ha!).  Keep writing because you can express the heartache of losing a sister to Alz. and the joy of remembering her previous years before Alz. attacked her viciously.  caragricke (Barbara No. 2 sister)