I am remembering the Peggy of summer while she is living in the winter of Alzheimer's Disease.
Peggy's summer has ended and that makes me sad. I will be ready to embrace fall when I see the shades of color slide into the green leaves and I will be reminded of the green colors of Peggy's eyes.
There is something mournful about the leaves drifting to the ground when fall has ended. The trees must stand bare to face the cold, raw winds of winter.
Peggy is now living in the winter of Alzheimer's disease. She tested 7 last week on the Alzheimer's scale, 30 is normal and 0 is death.
I have never adapted well to change and I mourn as the seasons of Peggy's life come to a close. Her season's have melted one into the another as she has battled this disease.
I will only be able let go of her when I wrap my mind around the fact that I cannot change what is to come but need to embrace what is and what will be.
Peggy already has the eyes of winter. Cold, dark places where green eyes once looked at the world with hope and a passion about life and living. The winter of Alzheimer's has taken the sparkle from her eyes and replaced it with the ice and cold of a dark, grey winter day.
I get so caught up in my resistance to her leaving that I forget that we still have now.
This morning when I called her.....I said this is Mary Louise. How are you this morning? Fine, she said.... I am So fine! I knew that she had no idea who she was talking with but smiled when she said that she was fine, So fine.
I know, that she is not fine but I am thankful that she is living in a place that she feels is.. So fine.
It was nice to hear her voice even though summer has slipped away from her. Now, the winter of Alzheimer's covers her mind with ice and snow.
When the snow melts in the Spring, there will be no promise of rebirth for Peggy. She will forever live in the Alzheimer's winter until her body cannot hold the weight of the snow and ice any longer.
Then, she will melt away like an ice cube placed on the pavement in thehot summer sun. She will melt into a puddle of water that will quickly dry in the heat of July. When the puddle, that was Peggy dries, those who loved her will always remember that she was here and enjoyed the season's of her life.
We will all remember the Peggy of summer.
Betty Jean, Barbara, Johnny and I will continue to visit Peggy in the snow and ice of the Alzheimer's winter because...
We love her and we can bundle our bodies with heavy parkers, hats and boots as we step into the winter world of Alzheimer's disease and remember with joy and laughter....
The Peggy of summer.
I Love You Today, Peggy!