My silence has not meant that I don't still have a lot to say. 
It means that sometimes there are just no words left to
describe what it is like to watch someone you
love disappear.
Alzheimer's disease not only numbs the mind of
the person who is afflicted with the disease......
It numbs the minds of those who watch.
For years, I thought that a cure or break through was just months or years away.
There have been bright spots in research and I still have hope for Peggy. But that hope is starting to feel some numbness.
I don't visit the early stage of the disease as it took over her mind as often as I did before.
If I go there, I visit for a short while......I remember her frustration, her fear,
her questioning.
I will never forget the morning that she called, hesitated and finally asked the name of the white stuff that you put on cereal.
I thought she was joking but realized that she was serious and was to embarrassed to ask her husband.
We shared many calls like that one as she began to forget.
She finally did forget but I have all of those painful calls stored in my memory.
We talked several times a day for years and then
one day, the phone didn't ring and there were no more
calls from my sister.....ever again.
She had forgotten how to use the telephone.
Sometimes, numbness would be welcomed as I think of Peggy and her decent into this disease of the mind.
As long as I continue to remember, I will remember my athletic, active and intelligent sister.
I will remember the way she was before she began to disappear, before her mind was frozen into numbness.
Some people make the world special just by being in it.....
Peggy is one of those people who remain special... Even in numbness.
I Love You Today, Peggy!
Mary Louise
