LOOKING FORWARD INTO AN EMPTY YEAR STRIKES ONE WITH A CERTAIN AWE..................
BECAUSE ONE FINDS THEREIN NO RECOGNITION.
THE YEARS BEHIND HAVE A FRIENDLY ASPECT AND THEY ARE WARMED BY THE FIRES THAT WE HAVE KINDLED.
ALL OF THEIR ECHOES ARE THE ECHOES OF OUR OWN VOICES.
(Alexander Smith)
I miss you on this January 1st of the year 2007, Peggy.
I hear all the echoes of our past.... as sisters, as friends, as confidants.
I still hear you, Peggy.
I still miss you.........hearing me!
I Love You Today, Peggy!
Happy New Year 2007
Mary Louise
8 comments:
Happy New Year, Mary Louise
Happy New Year, Peggy
Happy New Year to you both. Margo
I wish there was no such disease. I hope 2007 will be a year with less pain, some how.
Love,
Wendy
Happy New Year's, Mary Louise!
"LOOKING FORWARD INTO AN EMPTY YEAR STRIKES ONE WITH A CERTAIN AWE.................."
I don't think 2007 will be an empty year in regards to Peggy. With you remembering Peggy daily in thought and in words put into this journal it most certaily will not be empty. You give Peggy "a voice" and "a face". (Keep speaking and showing her face.) For your words are beautiful and touching to many hearts. Hearts of those who know the same pain and never had an avenue to voice their pain and hearts of those who have never known this pain but they have found your open window and come by often. They come by to be inspired by your words and encouraged by a love and bond SO STRONG that nothing, not even Alzheimer's can destroy.
Happy New Year's to you and to Peggy!!
Hugs,
Gina
http://journals.aol.com/motoxmom72/GinasWeigtLossJourney
http://journals.aol.com/motoxmom72/j-land-convention/
Wishing you all the best that 2007 can be. Every year as I change the giant wall calendar in my wife's room I'm lost in thoughts and dreams. We write each day's visitors or activity on the calendar so we all can refer to it, her memory loss prevents her from ever remembering. The "old" year is so full and the "new" so empty but for her they are the same.
Patrick http://journals.aol.com/daddyleer/CaregivinglyYours/
Before i write,I would like to introduce myself, My name is Mary,I am 42 years old, I live in ohio,I've been married for 25 years,am the very proud mother of 3 children,and one grandchild..... (without them,I believe I would have no identity).
I found your blog as i browsed thru aol this morning,while reading your entries about your sister, i sat and cried,for you,and with you i believe. I also know what it is like to have someone not recognize you,someone who means the world to you, a part of your past that made you who you are today. Altho its not the same disease that took the memory.....the outcome is the same,they are gone yet remain. The pain of not being able to sit and talk with them is .... undescribable.
It happened in 2002. Stroke. Brain stem. these are things I had hoped to never have to learn about. EVER. yet here we were, sitting in the emergency wating room. this was bad. total body damage. some still left at the moment,but the damage isnt done yet. the dr said they couldnt be sure about the extent for another 48 hours. but the prognosis isnt good. the outcome was far worse than we ever anticipated. we learned about paralysis. total body paralysis. quadrapeligic. not sure if theres memory left..... his eyes wonder....there is no facial response. nothing. feeding tubes and trachs become common conversation. We had lost our father. and the chance that he might return to us wasnt good. he was 56. so young. too young.
to say we werent ready for all this is an understatement,but are you supposed to be ready for this? days turned into weeks. weeks into months. nothing. he is able to turn his head from side to side. he laughs and cries randomly. other than that, there is nothing. to date. he is feeding tube dependant. which means theres anothing bag connected to him somewhere. his trach needs constant care. he has withdrawn into the fetal position. and as all this was continuing on day after day.......he's grown old. he no longer looks as he did when we were young. his hair is gray. his face is sunken. seeing him is hard. when you said you cant see your sister as she is now. i understood. at that moment, i wished you and i were seated across from one another so we could comfort each other ...knowing how the other felt. the guilt. the fear of what we're going thru now and what comes next. the wanting......to go back to times when our loved ones were whole. and again while reading...i thought of the last time i hugged my father. sometime around my birthday. and i told him i loved him................................
.........i wish i could tell him now,but like you,i cant force myself to see him right now. the pain is too harsh. i need to take care of me and my feelings. and i feel guilty because what if he knows i'm not there. what if he misses me as much as i miss him. and the guilt builds into something i can not handle. its then that i cry. i cry for all the times we hugged,all the times we told each other we loved each other. the times we joked,argued and laughed about later. the christmases, the easters, the fourth of julys. why didnt i know then to cherish every moment? well, if one things has come from this......i make every moment with my own children and grandchild count. i never have enough i love you's for them, nor hugs. nor kisses. they mean the world to me and i intend on letting them know it daily. for ever. as long as theres breath in my body. when i'm gone. they'll know i loved them with all i had. and if they learn anything from it.....it will be to cherish each other. we are. they are. all we have. i tell them,keep close. when their father and i am gone, they are all they have. make the time together mean something. dont forget to tell each other you love them. hug when you want. hug when you need to. and dont be afraid to call each other for anything.
i want to thank you for your writings. it might not make sense,but they were comforting. now i know i'm not alone. take care Mary Louis.
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