Tuesday, January 23, 2007

I'LL TALK TO YOU IN MY DREAMS!

I had another dream about Peggy the other day. I don't have them as often as I once did and I think that is normal. 

Dreams feel so real that I actually felt that Peggy and I had talked when I awaken.

I'm sure a Psychiatrist would have a field day with this one!

I called Peggy and we were talking just like we used to do. I asked her if she could come to visit me. The longer we talked, the slower her voice became and the softer it became, the further away it became.  Her words were was so soft towards the last of our conversation that I had to strain to hear her speak.

  I started talking  louder and telling her all the things we could do and the places we could go while she was here.

When there was was no response from her and I said; Peggy, are you there? Peggy, can you hear me?

There was still no response from her end of the phone. I felt a sense of desperation as I continued to call her name. When she finally spoke, it was like listening to a recording that was slowing down. Her words were slow, muffled and distorted.

I yelled into the phone...Peggy, Peggy, Peggy, can you still hear me?

She finally said in a slow, distorted voice..Yes, but Louise...............

I don't know anything new to say!  I can't remember anymore words.

And then her voice faded away and I awaken.

How true that dream was when I thought about it later.

Peggy is like a record recording that has been so damaged, so distorted over time, so scratched and warped that it can barely be recognized as the new recording that it was when we used to talk.

The old Peggy is damaged beyond repair and the new Peggy.....

Can't remember the words to say.

I didn't like the way that the dream ended but I did get to talk to her in the beginning of the dream and that was a gift.

I think that our dreams help us to stay connected to those we cannot connect with and work out unresolved  feelings.

It's rather nice to know that I will always have a connection to Peggy in my dreams. The dreams are coming less often now as I become resigned to her disease.

But for now, I know that....

 I'll talk to you in my dreams, Peggy!

I Love You Today, Peggy!

Mary Louise

6 comments:

joan3424 said...

Wow.  This made me cry.

magogos said...

Me, too. Margo

wendy4145 said...

I think that is great that Peggy is already visiting you in your dreams.  I know she misses you as much as you miss her.  She might not be able to put her finger on the name of who she misses so much... but that's the disease,   I'm glad you had contact with Peggy in your dream.  Dreams can be very healing.

Love,
Wendy

psychfun said...

Yes that is a good interpretation. Yes good to have her in your dreams to help cope.

pharmolo said...

A slow and inexorable process, Mary-Louise, but nonetheless painful.

wumzels2 said...

your dream is so real.............and it brought tears to my eyes.  i don't know anyone with this terrible disease, but i can only imagine what the loved ones left behind feel as they watch them disappear.

my thoughts and prayers are always yours,

blessings,

regina